The Yorkman/Issue 003
Wow, we've actually survived for a third issue! As always, feel free to contact us via e-mail, especially if you have some news to share with the world (seriously, there must be something going on out there...). Also, feel free to discuss the articles on the talk page.
This edition of the Yorkman finishes with our first attempt at investigative Journalism, The Nature of the Order. Initially intended to be a ruthless expose of the Order of Patriots and their real motives, the problems we encountered during the investigation lead us to create an article which instead looks more at the way in which the Order are seen by the people of York, and how they affect the politics of the town and the island. We hope you like it, it was rather more work than the average article, but good fun to do.
We'd like to thank everyone who contributed to this issue and answered our questions, especially Eris, Michael Edwards, Dave C, Marco, and several others who requested anonymity.
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For more general information about the Yorkman, or to read other issues, visit our main page.
Thanks - The Yorkman Team
This issue originally published on 17/09/06.
Contents
The War is Over
Ever since its discovery by famed pioneer Morgan Freelance, the large island off the western coast has been a symbol of the constant conflicts that have raged across our isle. And yet, even as the divisions amongst our communities deepen, it is this most contested of territories that has emerged as the unlikely site of Shartak's first demilitarised zone.
Last issue, we reported on the breakdown of negotiations over the isle between the Royal Expedition and the Scurvy Crew of The Hell-born Strumpet. Following the reappearance of the Crew's captain, Tyler Whitney, the negotiations were resumed, and took a turn that nobody had forseen.
In what has been described as an "amazing" discussion, pirates, natives, and outsiders from three different clans agreed to put aside their differences and declare the whole island a 'No Violence Zone', and welcome "all the peoples of Shartak" to its shores.
Eris, who has credited with the original idea (although she has yet to claim this herself), told us of her vision for the future of the islet: "It is my desire to have the island become a place of truce where clans can come and discuss issues and hold peaceful negotiations, [a kind of] United Clans Non-Violence Zone."
Although the treaty has yet to be formalised by all the clans involved, a single Rule has been agreed upon; that anyone who harms another on the isle will be removed by authorised Enforcers, elected from the ranks of all the clans participating in the experiment. To avoid confusion, a new name has also been suggested; Unity Island.
Ironically, the only current threat facing the isle is from Oulatek, leader of the Discordian Cargo Cult, who has advised all Discordians to attack anyone they find on the isle, and anyone who "espouses belief in the United Clans".
Dalpok Raid Report
The Jolly Roger Gang have just returned to their camp following their first raid on Dalpok. Early unconfirmed reports suggest native casualties of around seventy, including civilians. Pirate casualties are unknown. We spoke to Michael Edwards, leader of the Jolly Roger Gang.
Following the success of your first raid, has the Gang garnered any measurable benefits, in terms of notoriety, Territorial expansion, bragging rights, new recruits, or material wealth?
- We have gained some notoriety,yes. We have also grown to upwards of 13 members since I've returned to Shipwreck.
Was Shubar, or any other significant Dalpokian, slain during the raid?
- I know that several powerful natives, such as Donut, died in the raid. I also know that Shunar was wounded very badly in the attack.
How successful was the Durham prong of the attack? Was southern support an important factor in the success of the raid?
- To tell you the truth I had wished for a higher Durham turn out. We had around 5 outsiders that I know of who took part in the raid. The outsiders fought very well. They also helped some of my own men.
With the Scurvy Crew largely discredited over the 'New Tortuga' farce and reduced to tagging along on your raids, the Gang is now arguably the most powerful pirate group on Shartak. Where next?
- The Strumpet never "tagged along" as you put it. I asked the Captain if he would help back up our raid. The Jolly Roger Gang was still new and I thought that they could help us some extra backup. Also It would help to strengthen pirate bonds and Shartak's most powerful clan teaming up with us would also help to get the JRG noticed. As to what we have planned next...I would like to reopen trade with some outsider camps. I would also like to establish a field hospital near the shipwreck. It would be called the SHS or the Shipwreck Healing Service. and I might just gather all of the Jolly Roger Gang members and go off raiding somewhere...
We're also interested in the Pirate Defense Force, your new "police" group for the shipwreck. What inspired you to set up the Force, and what are your aims?
- The PDF is lead by the Slayer of Muitneers Rozen. It was designed to be a sub-branch of the main gang. It's squad members would help to keep Shipwreck safe for all pirates. Why I made the PDF it's own "sub-clan" was so that new pirates could easily find a place where they could report pker's. Also I wanted to make it clear that the JRG as a whole has not become a pirate clone of the CP but a whole network to help pirates and kill natives and drink rum....lots and lots of delicious nutritious rum....
Have you taken any lessons from the experiences of other 'police' groups on the island, such as the Colonial Police, Durham Pistoleers, or Derby Hospitaleers?
- Well York is the enemy for all pirates and pirate kind so I have studied how the enemy patrols their town. Also while I was in Durham I took notes on how the Pistoleers worked. However I have never been to Derby...yet.
We also spoke to Dave C, a hardened Dalpokian warrior who has spent the last few months waging a guerilla war against the pirates along the Dalpok road.
"The fight is hard. Many days I wake up to sound of nearby pirates. Every day I kill, but still more come and even Shubar is wounded. Our village is torn apart. We must fight, we must organise, or our children will not grow to become warriors. We must send them back into the sea! All must be death for them, or for us there will be no life."
Zeff, Pirate Hunter
| Pirate Hunter Secrets!
Greetings once again, readers of the Yorkman! The Yorkman has once again contacted me, Pirate Hunter Zeff, to write about everyone’s favorite subject once more! The Pirate Hunters! I will take a break from giving my readers the dreadful shock I gave them last week, by describing our grizzly quest and the hated enemy of the multiverse - Pirates. This week I will move on to a fluffier subject - our fans. Although I'm positive that at least 90% of human beings and animals on Shartak are loyal and obsessive Pirate Hunter fans (Not the monkeys though - they seem to consider us as sworn enemies) we don't actually get any fan mail. There was one Yorkman that said "Yeah, that’s cuz you're an insane ex-soldier and everyone hates you", but it is obvious that the poor chap was tragically deluded - I took pity on the poor soul - so I gave him the privilege of combing my manly chest hair for the week I was in York. Of course, being deluded, he must have been convinced I was some kind of horrific vegetable-monster, as he was quite reluctant to do so! (I'm sure you, my readers, are surprised and shocked that he passed over such an opportunity, and somewhat disappointed that you were not lucky enough in his place!) Because it was for his own health, I had to force him to do it on pain of death after hearing how many of my fans would be itching to be in his place! Anyway, he seems to be significantly better now, although he's quite a lot quieter than before. I've even heard that he hides every time he knows I'm in town! Ha! Bless him; he must be shy to be face to face with such a radiant symbol of macho justice! Anyway, I'm glad I opened another wayward soul's eyes to see the shining glory of the Pirate Hunters. And taught him the importance of maintaining a healthy coating of irresistible chest-hair. As I was saying, the REAL reason us Pirate Hunters get no fan mail is partly because they know the importance of our quest and can not bring themselves to distract us with their messages of praise, awe and love, but also its because we are always on the move - thus making it exceedingly difficult for the postal service to track us down. So, I write this to answer a couple of questions that our many fans are undoubtedly curious about. Q: Dear Pirate Hunter Zeff, Despite being always on the move and being in a number of life-threatening situations, how do you maintain such an amazing and admirable moustache?
Q: Dear Pirate Hunter Zeff, I love you more than anything, will you marry me?
Unfortunately I must leave you here! I'm sure that although many you were enlightened by my Pirate Hunter wisdom, many more of you will have even further questions you wish to ask me and even more praise you desire to shower me with! This is, of course, impossible. Partly because the threat of Pirates is ever-present with the vengeful Scurvy Crew, and the elusive Jolly Roger Gang, but mainly because I'm running out of paper.... Your humble servant and protector, Pirate Hunter Zeff |
A New Butcher for York?
Our sources have recently been bringing us ever more grisly stories of a terrible new threat to the people of York, who preys without mercy upon our northern frontier. The machete-weilding horror is known only as Mal, and is believed to have been responsible for the deaths of almost sixty Yorkmen, plus half a dozen travellers from the other southern towns. This makes him a three times more prolific a murderer than even Tom Failur, the feared 'Butcher of York'.
An anonymous press release from the Order of Patriots in response to our enquiries declared that "the Order is well aware of the threat posed by marauding natives and has already taken steps to neutralise this threat."
The Yorkman team would like to stress that many natives are peacable, and that we should not let the actions of individuals, nor any bad memories of the Native Invasion, cause us to act against the indigenous community as a whole. However, we would like to know exactly what is being done to stop rogue individuals such as Mal from running roughshod through our town. Why has the Order not apprehended him? Why is he not on the Colonial Police Most Wanted list? The people of York demand action from the groups that aspire to protect us!
Shartak Preservation Front Decries Animal Cruelty
Subcommandante Marco, Shartak's leading environmentalist, has issued an incendary press release calling for all the towns of Shartak to implement laws banning cruelty to domestic animals. The press release describes the conditions in which many guard dogs are kept as "disgusting", claiming that "inoffensive guard dogs are kept chained inside trading huts for months at a time with no freedom to roam or play. Often they are subject to cruel, sometimes fatal attacks from sadistic customers whilst their uncaring owners look on.
"This inhuman behavior must stop. We are calling upon the Durham Pistoleers, the Derby Hospitallers, the Colonial Police, and every other group dedicated to the protection of their citizens, from both outsiders settlements and the indigenous community, to punish these sadistic torturers, like they would punish any other murderer."
The Shartak Preservation Front has also vowed to locate the secret farm where the seemingly endless supply of replacement guard dogs is bred, and "burn that prison camp to the ground".
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The Nature of the Order
When was the last time you saw a pirate in York?
The last time I saw one was when I walked past the broken, bloodied corpse of the Order's latest target, slumped against the front of Trader Harry's with a note decrying his crimes nailed unceromoniously to his chest.
The Order are an accepted fact of life in York these days. But who are this shadowy group, what do they want, and why do we allow them to threaten and kill with impunity in the very heart of this great haven of law and order?
When pirates first came to York, we welcomed them. The native invasion was not yet over, and so we had a common foe. Any man is a freind if he swings a blade with you in time of need. But as the natives withdrew to fight in the battle of Dalpok, the pirates turned upon us. Those were dark days indeed, with murder and robbery rife and no man safe in his own home. Thus is was that the Order of Patriots was founded, from those who were disillutioned with the Colonial Police and wanted to cleanse the streets in their own way, taking the law into their own hands.
Their policies are uncompromising; if they want you out of York, they kill you or put a bounty on your head. The bounty claimants we spoke to refused to talk about who had paid them, but the fact that they had all been paid promptly and in full suggests that somewhere, there is a lot of money behind the Order.
Our research into the Order was met with an unexpectedly poor response. Few people agreed to talk to us, and none would agree to be named. Even leaders of powerful clans from outside York insisted upon anonymity.
Perhaps people just don't want to take the risk.
The greatest suprise was when a frequesnt, reliable source, who had originally suggested this investigation, refused to talk to us on the subject. "You don't understand", they insisted. "The Order are wired too deep down, you could never know who they are." Others echoed these sentiments, with phrases such as "spies everywhere", "omnipresent", and "iron grip" used with alarming frequency.
So, what do we know about the Order?
Undoubtedly the most famous 'Patriot' is W B Hazen, founding member of the Order and often their figurehead. It is still unclear whether he is one of the shadowy "Council of Three" who control the Order, but he is often extolled as a hero in their propaganda, and our research suggests he is greatly popular amongst the people of York. Significantly, the bounty on his head, which exceeds 30gc, has never been claimed.
As for the rest of the Council and the Order, knowledge is scarce and rumour rife. Did Mick R, former leader of the Colonial Police, ally with them in exchange for membership? Are the Pirate Hunters an Order front group? Is there some sort of shadowy conspiracy connecting them to the Lord Paul Reefer Terror Cell? Nobody knows, and nobody's prepared to go down on record as even speculating.
The extent of the Order's power is just as contraversial. "They say they are limited to York but they have people everywhere, always behind the scenes", one interviewee insisted, whilst another airilly declared them "in all respects, weak outside York".
Their intelligence, as noted earlier, is widely considered flawless. The Colonial Police and other significant groups are "constantly monitored", according to one source. Another claimed that they "know everything that happens in York".
Their methods are subject to even wilder speculation; as well as Hazen and his team's public executions and midnight raids and the bounties program, there are also accusations of hiring 'high-level' members of society to make 'hits', "seemingly maniacal killer[s]" making seemingly random attacks, members posing as victims of attacks to fool the Police into doing their dirty work for them, passing a foe's location to native fighters in the nearby jungle, and so on. If it happens in or around York, you can bet someone will try to blame it on the order.
And so, after a long, hard, and often disturbing investigation, what have we found? That the Order are powerful, well-armed (rumours of Heavy Swords are rife, but unconfirmed), and well funded. And one of them is called Hazen.
No matter how deep we dig, we've learnt nothing that an urchin on the street couldn't have told us.
But what was suprising was the lack of criticism, even from their staunchest opponents. It seems that the Order are indeed, as their propaganda claims, the manifestation of the will of the people of York. In a town where once we couldn't walk down the street in safety, perhaps it comforts us to know that, for whatever reason, towards whatever ultimate purpose, a seemingly invincible power smites our foes and keeps us safe from harm.
Is our independence, liberty, and right to self-determination a price worth paying for a little security? Can we place our trust in a group who will not even tell us their names? Does the Order of Patriots really fight for us? Or for themselves? These are question we must all ask ourselves, because, like them or not, the Order seem here to stay.
