The Yorkman/Issue 017

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Greetings, and welcome to the seventeenth edition of The Yorkman! As always, feel free to contact us via e-mail, especially if you have some news to share with the world. Also, feel free to discuss the articles on the talk page. We are also currently looking to recruit more reporters and columnists. We'd like to extend our heartfelt thanks to everyone who contributed to this issue and answered our questions and queries.

If you'd like to submit a banner for the ads section of the next issue, either e-mail us your completed 500x100 picture, or if graphics aren't your thing, contact us with a slogan and a vague idea (or even a slogan) and we'll do our best.

For more general information about the Yorkman, or to read other issues, visit our main page.

Thanks - The Yorkman Team

This issue originally published on 11/03/07

Durham Negotiations Falter

Little progress has been made towards democracy in Durham. As yet no date has been agreed for the elections and it is unclear who will be standing. The public debates have deteriorated somewhat into repetitive arguments and accusations, broken only by the observations of a surprisingly lucid and eloquent individual known as Fester Shinetop. Pistoleer leader Dennis Kujit has accused Nationalist spokesperson Nathan Hale of being a front for an astounding variety of groups, including the Scavengers and the Colonial Police.

Michael Edwards, leader of the Jolly Roger Gang, has also accused Hale of acting in the interests of York, suggesting that this stems from cowardice and is craven appeasement towards the likes of the Order of Patriots. Although Captain Edwards’ clan relies heavily upon a Durham trade route that may be disrupted by a Nationalist victory, he says there are no plans to intervene in such an event.

Hale tells us that he feels the Pistoleers are deliberately “dragging their feet” on elections to prolong their rule. He told us exclusively that if there is no significant progress in the next few days, the Nationalists would be forced to set out a timetable themselves and demand that the others adhere to it.

“There will be democracy in Durham,” he tells us, “and if we have to do all the work then we will.” He has already rejected a suggestion by Kujit for a one-off election to choose between ‘the Pistoleer way’ and ‘the Nationalist way’.

Meanwhile things are looking to get rough for Hale, with a 20gc bounty posted on his head this very afternoon. Nathan is now one of the five most valuable men on the island, and not in a good way.

For the sake of the people of Durham, the Yorkman hopes that the promise of democracy will not fade into the night of civil war. We shall of course keep you updated either way, as events unfold.

The Yorkman is running an island-wide opinion poll on the elections – go here to vote.


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End Draws Near for Derby

As we enter the final week of the Derby Derby, the front-runners are still neck and neck in the hotly contested event. With almost all of the contestants well into double figures, the analysts are already counting the cost of this exciting month of carnage.

Famous WickSick Headhunter Foo Fighter, who many feel would be their leader if they had one, or were a clan, which they aren’t, and haven’t, was full of praise for Derby’s defenders, and said they had made for a “more challenging experience” for all the contestants.

Reports indicate that many headhunter kills are occurring outside Derby, to avoid the constant patrols of the Eastern Federation. An organised and co-ordinated defence of relatively few people has managed to make the whole of Derby relatively safe – a feat that half the island’s outsider and pirate clans couldn’t achieve for one hut during the Great Durham Headhunt.

We previously reported that a lack of men was hampering the Federation’s defence strategy, but since then a wave of signups has bolstered the clan. Foremost amongst these is Lardman, an unfortunate who was attacked by almost every contestant before being adopted as their official mascot, and has now begun the long road to avenging himself upon them.

With just four days to go, Derby Hospitaller Tribune James Barnes says he has no plans for a final push to drive the headhunters from Derby. But with victory and the coveted Heavy Sword hanging in the balance, the people of Derby can expect one last push by the headhunters to reach first place.

Next week: We report on the winner of the Derby and on plans for the upcoming Dork Cup – already accepting signups here.


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Hospitallers End York Alliance

As scooped in the Derby Evening Press last week, the Derby Hospitallers have respectfully withdrawn from their alliance with the Colonial Police, severing the last diplomatic tie between York and Derby. Although Tribune James Barnes insists that he wishes to remain on friendly terms with York, several high-ranking members of the York Alliance have condemned the move.

James Barnes says that the decision was taken as a protest against the diplomatic situation in York, and the antagonistic attitudes of several prominent Yorkmen. Although no longer pledged to provide military aid, and still smarting over the lack of York aid during the Derby Derby, the Hospitallers may still send men to aid in the upcoming Dork Cup. It seems likely that such a mission would be lead by Fourth Invasion veteran Consul Jack Molay.

The effects of this decision are hard to predict, but York – Derby relations are likely to get worse before they get better. Although many harsh words are likely to be said, York is extremely unlikely to retaliate in any meaningful way.

More significantly, the end of this alliance is the end of any significant diplomatic links along the south coast. Only the CCTU maintain a presence in all three towns (although the Order of Patriots are rumoured to have covert agents in both Durham and Derby). Durham doesn’t talk to York, York doesn’t talk to Derby, and Derby and Durham would have to shout anyway. The Jolly Roger Gang still maintains links with the Durham Pistoleers, but Dennis Kujit is increasingly trying to appear less connected with the wreck as elections approach.

Nobody on the south coast wants a war. With all our lives hanging in the balance, we must all call upon our leaders to build new bridges and avert the tragedy that looms on our temporal horizon.


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A Letter From York

I awake to the sound of gulls and the crash of surf on the beach, as the early sun lights my room. After breakfasting on Raktam mangos, I strap my machete to my hip and walk out into the street to see what the new day holds.

York is a town forever at war, a defiant thorn in the side of those who oppose our way of life. Signs of the Fourth Invasion still litter the town; blade marks on doorposts, powder burns on walls, blood not yet washed from the cobbles. I turn left down Absinthe Avenue, passing a padded and torn poster. “Wanted!” it cries to the world, above what I have always suspected to be a slightly fantastical portrayal of Michael Edwards.

I pass into the central square, where two Colonial Policemen stand sentry over Kahuni whilst he meditates. Opposite him, the gallows creak in the seas breeze. Death, and new life, so perfectly juxtaposed at the heart of our town. At the entrance to the broad road leading to the docks, the townsfolk have preserved much of the barricade where the citizens of York made their triumphant stand against the chaos that threatened to overwhelm us all in the Second Invasion.

Those memories are still bright in my head, even after all this time. The sounds of screaming and gunfire, the smell of blood and powder, long nights in Czechy’s and in the streets, when every new dawn was a dawn we had won by force of arms and paid for in blood. I recall the unity of a people on the brink of destruction, the terror of our remorseless foe, the horror of street-to-street combat.

I was there when the Butcher and his men attacked the medical hut and slaughtered our wounded. I was there when we torched the Guildhouse. I was there when Hazen stood in the square and proclaimed York pirate-free, and I cheered myself hoarse with the crowds even as I wept for the price we had paid.

This is what people fail to understand about York, when they ask why we won’t roll over for pirates and mercs, why we maintain an armed militia, why we curse collaborators and reconciliationists alike. From the first day we landed, the people of York have been fighting for our survival. At every turn, enemies have sought to destroy us, to drive us back into the sea. A new generation, fresh off the boat, may call the Police ‘fascists’ and the Order ‘shadowy’, but to me they will always be heroes, the men I fought alongside through four Invasions, and who never balked or faltered in the service of York.

If you want to understand York, come visit the next time piracy rears it’s ugly head. If you wish to learn who is right and who is wrong, then you must learn it at the barricades.


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More Arsons in Raktam

The Scavenger’s Mercantile Mango Cooperative store in Raktam has become the latest victim of the town’s infamous string of arson attacks. Burnt to the ground by persons unknown, it has now been abandoned. Former managed Valdek has left the town in fury, vowing to return to destroy all who oppose him.


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Still Standing

Last week’s attack on York shaman Kahuni was aborted when the Colonial Militia, alerted by our article, showed up to defend him. Controversial Militia leader Serious Sam intercepted Tom Failur, the infamous Butcher of York, and forced the Mercenary leader to retreat.

Unsure of the forces ranged against them, the Guild called off the attack, forcing the Imperial Privateers to abandon their planned raid on the town. The Privateers are reportedly unhappy with this result but have not withdrawn the job, so there is expected to be another attack sometime in the future.

The Imperial Bank denies any involvement in the attacks.


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York Bank to Reopen

Closed at the height of the Fourth Invasion due to the fear of reprisals from the Colonial Militia, the York branch of the Imperial Bank is due to reopen this week. Former branch manager Ibn Al has refused to return to York, so the job has passed to long-term York citizen Gitboy. A runner has been despatched with funds to restart the branch, and Colonial Police leader Kjendlie has offered additional funding as reparation for the damage to business caused by the bank’s abrupt departure.

Ibn Al is headed up to the shipwreck with a mercenary escort to open a new branch of the bank.


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First Crusade Declared

Controversial cleric and extreme Roman Catholic Bob Nowak has called for the faithful to follow him on Shartak’s first ‘Crusade’, billed as a devastating raid upon Wiksik. The crusaders will gather at the lake northwest of Wiksik on the 18th of March and head to the town from there.

Quite how this will convert the heathens to the love and mercy of a just God is, as yet, unclear. However, we are assured that all involved will go straight to heaven. Once they die. Which may not happen straight away. If you’re really lucky.


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Rumours of a second conch are circulating the south after two blasts at different ends of the island were heard one day last week. CCTU leader Bauer took the conch from a marauding native and tested it in York before throwing it into the sea, where is was found by Colonial Police officer Nighter.

Within hours of this, a second blast was heard to the southeast of Durham, three days walk away. The holder of the shell at this point is unknown.


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