The Yorkman/Issue 008
Greetings, and welcome to the eighth edition of The Yorkman! As always, feel free to contact us via e-mail, especially if you have some news to share with the world. Also, feel free to discuss the articles on the talk page.
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Thanks - The Yorkman Team
This issue originally published on 30/11/06, only 4 days past our deadline.
Contents
Hang Onto Your Hats!
Headhunt Draws Near
Anticipation is reaching fever pitch as the date of the Great Durham Headhunt approaches Up to a dozen of the island's most renowned headhunters are expected to converge on the small town tomorrow to battle it our for the ultimate prize. The fabled Heavy Sword is a fitting trophy for such a grand contest, and much sought-after amongst Shartak's warrior society. Its awesome powers will augment the natural prowess of the victor to incredible levels, creating a true modern-day hero for our island's indigenous youth.
The atmosphere in Durham is electric. Although some residents have left the town, fearing the event will bring violence and mayhem, they have been more than replaced by an army of eager spectators.
Aligned against the headhunters is the Durham Defense Unit, the largest outsider coilition in our history. Groups as diverse as the Colonial Police and the Jolly Roger Gang are sending troops to hold the crude defenses around the town. Colonial Police leader Kjendlie warns that the stakes could be very high.
"The very existance of our brother town as a free settlement may be in danger," he tell us. "That's the worst case. The very real threat though, which is not speculative at all, is that if Durham falls and is made to look like a lawless town where the rule of the jungle prevails, it could turn Durham into a haven for all sorts of criminals, murderers, mercenaries, and other misfits to use as a base of operations. That would clearly be a real danger to York too, as well as Durham itself.
"The other very real threat to my mind is that if these headhunters and killers succeed in humiliating and utterly discrediting Durham's defenders, if they succeed in killing at will, unopposed or nearly so, even while facing the strongest outsider coilition Shartak has ever seen, then outsiders across Shartak will take a blow and it will embolden natives to launch further attacks and murderous coordinated anti-outsider campaigns. It could, and perhaps would, result in a far more vicious version of the still talked-about first invasion. A nightmare for groups like ours."
Although the deployment to Durham will seriously weaken defenses in York and Derby, civic leaders remain confident that our towns are safe. The Order of Patriots has declared it will remain in York in strength to guard against a "potential minor threat", and Kjendlie warns his men can return in a matter of days should the "Imperial Privateer Gang attack York citizens whilst we are gone".
The competition's organisers seem enthusiastic about their chances against the assembled horde. Durham heads are apparently rare, so the thought of so many awaiting collection at once has their eyes aglow. When asked what he thought the long-term impact of the contest would be, famous headhunter Foo Fighter explained that "somebody will have a lot of fun hacking away with a Heavy Sword. Until it eventually breaks.
Messages From the Battle-Lines
To Durham, rally around the pistoleers. To Armadox and the headhunters, Durham will hold against any attack you can throw.
--Rob Zombie, leader of the 1st Derby Privateers
To the people of our brother-town of Durham: we are coming. The York delegation will be there in force, and even the legendary MickR himself will be with us.
--Kjendlie, leader of the Colonial Police
Fear not, men and women of Durham! Your brethren will fight to thier last breath to defend you from the savages' might!
--James Barnes, leader of the Derby Hospitallers
People of Durham, stay clam. We know you have a captured shaman in the middle of your village, so just relax. Close your eyes. Oh, and could you all cut your hair or wear ponytails? That would make things a lot easier.
Contestants, Headhunters, Allies: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!
--Foo Fighter, member of the WickSick Headhunters
Privateers Annex Wiksik
As anti-monarchist sentiment grows amongst the famously independent and anarchic populace of the shipwreck, Dutch forces in the area have started to relocate to more welcoming regions. As well as reinforcing their shipbuilding activities on Rodrigo's Island (decried by the Durham Nationalists as likely to cause war between Durham and York-based anti-monarchist groups, as well as being "an unacceptable european military prescence in our territory"), the 1st Imperial Privateers Regiment have declared their intention to annex the native town of Wiksik.
The older generation may remember early forays into Wiksik, with the brutal slaughter of not only armed homesteaders but also of the Royal Expedition roadbuilding team, followed by the retributive raid against Derby. First Among Daves, leader of the Regiment, however, remains confident that the new generation will encounter little trouble. He expects "no resistance whatsoever... they will welcome us as colonial liberators."
Asked of his motives for the move, Daves expalined "we like the ambience. It has some lovely countryside and some nice little bed and breakfasts. And it has a great cricket oval, with a well manicured and hard pitch, ideal for fast bowlers... we plan to teach them how to make mango marmalade. It's very tasty."
The locals are far from convinced, however, claiming that the Privateers cannot possibly deliver on their promise of a blanket factory, and threatening a bloodbath that will only worsen when the cream of their warrior caste returns from the Great Durham Headhunt.
SPF Start Work on 'Sustainable Roads'
In the aftermath of the violently foreshortened Shartak Preservation Front conference in York, a small but dedicated team of environmentalists have begun work on the Rachael Cameron trail, an eco-friendly path connecting York and Derby and allowing high-speed travel between them with a minimum of environmental disruption.
Clearly signposted using 100% reclaimed driftwood, the trail allows for the survuval of natural plants growth and will not disrupt migration patterns, although trees must still be cleraed from the route. Overall, the resultant road is far less intrusive that the Civilized Highway Society's two-lane clearcut highways.
Zydd Soral, who is credited with the original idea, explained the concept to us. "I had realized that sometimes, when two groups are at ends with eachother, it's best to compromise. Because the CHS want to have trails (understandably) and because the SPF wanted a greener, more natural shartak, I figured the most logical way to approach this is to have paths cut into the jungle, rather than full blown roads. I guess I just didn't want to have hostility, witch, ironically, in the end wasn't preventable.
"You get all the same advantages as regular roads, and none of the unsightly brown patches. Unfortunately, the road would have to be constantly maintained or else it would grow too dense and it would be as difficult to find your way than if there were no roads. I seriously hope that the SPF can find a way to save Shartak, while also keeping the roads alive so people such as myself can find their way home after a long trip, or to visit friends in another town, or even perhaps to do some trading with some friendly natives."
Patchy Leadership
Honary Pistoleer Assumes Command of Pirate Defense Force
The Pirate Defense Force, the enforcement arm of the Jolly Roger Gang, is Shartak's second-largest police force, charged with defending the shipwreck from 'mutineers' and other criminals, such as the infamous murderer Long Fin Killie. Since it's inception, it has prospered under the leadership of Rozen, leading to a notable drop in Shartak's highest homicide rate.
Times change though, and Rozen has announced his retirement from the position to allow him to firther his trading activities. Leadership has passed to Patch, a highly-decorated PDF member and also an honary member of the Durham Pistoleers following a lengthy stay in Durham. Rozen describes Patch as "a fine lad, i'd trust him at my side in a fight - no more can a Pirate ask of a fellow. Patch is a long standing JRG man and a good fighter, i'm sure he will handle the PDF better than me."
Patch, meanwhile, promises a more organised, effective PDF, and also tells us "Ah look forwards t' workin' closely wi' th' pistoleers and hope my appointmen' will further cement arr alliance. We will aid 'em in wha'ever way we can, an' I espect they will do th' same fer us."
Hottest Night In Town
Since opening two weeks ago, the Raktam Tavern has had mixed fortunes. An enthusiastic locaal reception, lively clientelle, and the attendance of several friendly outsiders has been somewhat offset by a string of arsons and fatal attacks on the tavern's owners.
Predictably, the driving force behind the campaign of terror is local psychopath Armadox, who has been terrorising the local populace for as long as anyone can remember (with the possible exception of his long-suffering parents) and apparently doesn't need somewhere to relax with a cold beer after a long hard day of pillaging.
Armadox explains "I have been slaughering Raktam villagers for many moons, listening to them scream into the night as my blade tortures their flesh. The tavern represents all i despise and loath about you pitiful human vermin. It was a haven for hope and peace, so of course I had to destroy it. Rage burns the timber, and hate scores the straw. The scavengers will be a tale that all of Shartak will tell their children at night as a warning to the nightmares those trees hold in the darkness."
Tavern owner Dave C remains undetered, however, and is intending to install a water feature in the lounge bar as soon as finances allow. His cheerful optimism is an inspiration to us all. "When I first built the tavern, I didn't know what to call it. Now I can build a new one every day, and soon I will have been able to have used all my names!" he enthuses.
+ This article is dedicated to the memory of our brave interviewer, found dead in the jungle with Armadox's replies on a scrap of human skin. +
Fight Degenerates Into Brawl
The much-plugged and endlessly delayed duel between Zom-VLD and Xintlaer came to a bloody and unexpected end - even though one contestant never showed. A large group of pirates from various crews had gathered at the temple ruins, and were impatiently awaiting Xintlaer's arrival when a scuffle broke out in the crowd. Reports disagree as to who struck the first blow - many accuse the PDF of attacking several spectators who were on their 'wanted' list, but eh PDF claim that the mutineers had assaulted members of the Scurvy Crew first.
The situation quickly became a free for all with up to a dozen dead and injured. The match was abandoned, with Zom-VLD declared winner by default for actually turning up. Plans for future events at the temple have been suspended indefinitely.
Peace in Our Lifetimes?
Follwing intense negotiations with the Derby Hospitallers and the Colonial Police, Rob Zombie of the 1st Derby Privateers has agreed to retract his threats of military action against York. Faced with the prospect of strong resistance from the Colonials and York's defenders, and the threat of civil war at home if the Hospitallers came to their long-term allies' aid, the Privateers reneged on their promise to join the "next raid on York" and promised not to indiscriminately harm Yorkmen.
Although they still intend to attack "known members" of the Order of Patriots and the Pirate Hunters, the Privateers no longer pose a threat to our safety. An Order spokesman said that attacks on their agents would be "repaid tenfold", but that the group would be considered "low risk" and allowed free passage to Durham to participate in the Durham Defense Unit.
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