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[[Image:banksymbol.jpg]]
 
[[Image:banksymbol.jpg]]
 
=SHARTAK FINANCIAL TIMES=
 
=SHARTAK FINANCIAL TIMES=
Vol 1, Issue 1.
+
Vol 1, Issue 2.
 
__TOC__
 
__TOC__
  
 
==Editorial ==
 
==Editorial ==
While The ''Y____'' (we cannot bring ourselves to name the title) has delivered idle perusing material to the people of Shartak for the past year, there is only so much Marxist propaganda a reader from the elite classes can take.
 
 
This newspaper, a broadsheet rather than a gutter tabloid like The ''Y____'', is designed to keep the affluent abreast of economic and financial developments, as well as provide stock tips to aristocrats, and also nouveau riche and aspiring natives amusingly seeking to reach beyond their station in life. We trust this paper delivers where the competition patently does not.
 
:<b>&mdash; Augustus Lord Hart of York, Editor</b>.
 
  
This issue originally published on 29th day of January, 07
+
The publishers of this fine newspaper condemn the tabloid pirate publication, The Masthead, for its libellous propaganda against York Owl God cultists and more recently the fine inbred people of Durham. On the first topic, this newspaper sees nothing particualrly revolting about mastublatory immolation against a giant stone idol, and in fact was contemplating a pay-per-rub stall to accomodate the increasingly long queues forming from Czechy's Tavern. On the second topic, the people of Durham have a long and noble tradition of marrying cousins, sisters, aunts, and livestock, and in that way follow the fine examples established by generations of aristocracy in beloved England. The publishers of the Masthead should pull their heads in, we say, or face the gallows. - Justice Hart of York, Editor.
 +
 
 +
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
 +
 
 +
 
 +
 
 +
== Anti-Communist League Brutally Slaughters Evil and Smelly Reds ==
 +
 
 +
York, 17 March: With the rise of Marxist subversives lead by noted 14 year old hothead Che, the call has gone out: who will stop this pre-pubescent revolutionary from taking all our toys and going home?
 +
 
 +
"The Shartak Communist Party is a menace," says Arminius, leader of the anti-communist movement and clearly one of the most sensible men on the planet. "They must be stopped! Our motto is "Live Free or Die", theirs is "Live as a Slave to the Shartak Communist Party or We Will Kill You as a Counter-Revolutionary". For this reason the Shartak Anti-Communists are in favour of war to the hilt on the Red Menace on Shartak."
 +
 
 +
When asked if any clemency would be offered to the Marxist peril, Arminius properly replied, "All bearers of the Red Plague must be stopped before they can spread their disease further! Yes. One might say that we anti-communists are like doctors-- we have the cure for the Red Disease. 20 gold coins to every man, woman, child, or animal who kills a communist, collectible in any settlement at the Bank. Show your pride in Capitalism by killing a communist for money."
 +
 
 +
Bounty for the death of Che and his followers can be collected from any bank branch upon proof of death (screenshot, underworld, bloody scalp).
 +
 
 +
A representative of the South Shartak trading Company was quoted as saying, "Bloody reds, indeed! What you did to the Tsar was inhumane, to say the least. Is it really a crime for one to be inbred, stupid, and losing The Great War at the same time? Surely there is some leeway?
 +
 
 +
"Now, I must warn you. I am not one of those capitalists that has not seen the light of day, much less felt the sting of nettles and the smell of gunpowder from a discharged weapon. Oh no, I am not just a businessman. I am Jack W Spalding, a former soldier of the Queen's own expeditionary forces, and as such I am quite capable of looking after my self interests!
 +
 
 +
"Besides, what do you plan on doing? Replacing our current system that rewards effort with riches with your worker's paradise? Or do you plan on replacing one elitist system with another, with you as the elite class? That is how humanity always works, and always shall. Now I have business to attend to. Good day, chaps!"
 +
In the interests of unbiased journalism for which this newspaper is famous, we intended to take select quotations from Che's brain-addled manifesto, but it was filled with nonsense questioning why people are kneejerk-against Communism, so we bundled the note into an effigy and burned it in the street before a chanting, jeering mob.
 +
 
 +
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
 +
 
 +
 
 +
 
 +
==Bank Re-opens in York: Shipwreck Experiment in Progress==
 +
 
 +
The Imperial Bank is pleased to advise that it has re-opened in York, with long-standing York resident Gitboy appointed as bank manager. The branch is in its previous location, one pace north-west of the trader's hut. The re-establishment of operations comes following the following invitation from Colonial Police chief Kjendlie:
 +
 
 +
<i>On behalf of the Colonial Police, I cordially invite the Bank to re-establish itself in York, perhaps with another Banker. For all the trouble and loss of business the bank has suffered amidst all the recent civil strife in York, I promise that the Colonial Police shall pay 500 gold as a token of York's forgiveness, no strings attached, as a donation to the general fund of the York branch of the bank. This sum will be payable 10 gold for every day the bank stays in operation, paid once a week. In other words 70 gold per week if the bank stays open in York the entire week. If the bank stays open in York for the entire payment period (50 days) without closing, I will throw in a further bonus of 100 gold.
 +
 
 +
I ask for nothing in return, except for the return of uninterrupted bank service to Shartak's best city.</i>
 +
 
 +
With this committment from the local constables, the Bank assessed sovereign risk in York to have been diminshed, and re-established operations. A large sum of money is en route to York to supplement the branch's offerings to the public.
 +
 
 +
In the meantime, the former York branch manager, Ibn al Xuffasch is on the north shore of the island accompanied by 4 Mercenaries Guildsmen, namely, Griffon, Raffles, Tom Failur, and Zydd Soral. More Guildsmen are waiting at the shipwreck. Xuffasch's mission to to set up week-long operations at the trader's hut at the shipwreck, in the hope of, firstly, soliciting busiiness from wealthy buccaneers, and secondly, assessing the viability of ongoing operations at the wreck. The bank is paying the Guild 250 GCs for protection during the visit. At the conclusion of this task, Xuffasch will be retiring from bank business.
 +
 
 +
What will Xuffasch do after this mission? "I'm thinking about establishing an observatory on the top of Blood Mountain," said Xuffasch in in exclusive interview. "In addition to more traditionally stargazing, I'm also interested in the search for extraterrestrial life. Imagine if there were people out there, beyond the atmosphere, possibly even peering down on us?" Asked about astrology, Xuffasch smiled and said, "Oh come on. As if anything out there could possibly control our destinies."
  
''[[Talk:Shartak Financial Times#Readers Lavish Praise on Erudite Editorial|Discuss]]''
+
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
  
==Banana and mango futures &mdash; do you buy or sell?==
 
[[Image:180px-Green_mango.jpg|right|thumb|The green, juicy, sultry and wanton flesh of the delectible tropical mango.]]
 
  
With bananas and mangos only available by scavenging or buying from a trader, there is speculation that the current supply of these tropical fruits might decline if recently touted storms swept Shartak. Storms have been a topic for discussion and there is always a possibility that the other idyllic climes of Shartak might be disturbed by inclement weather. If this was to come to pass, would it be wise to buy into bananas and mangos now betting that prices might rise in the future?
 
 
"Mangos and bananas have never been particularly prized in outsider communities because of the existence of first aid kits and water to cure ailments," says [[1st Imperial Bank]] Chief Economist Hideo Inakajimita in Durham yesterday. "They tend to be more in use in native villages. If there was a sudden drop in the number of bananas and mangos then this would in theory cause the price to rise at traders huts. Someone with large stores of the fruit would be in a position to make a substantial profit. This is especially so since digging and agriculture have been introduced to the island."
 
 
The recent formation of the Scavengers Mango Mercantile Collective (SMMC), with its stock of mango chutneys and other mango condiments, suggests that in Raktam at least decision makers are taking the fruit seriously. Armadox the Butcher, chief executive officer of the SMMC, explains, "Evil Kingadox, lord of the mango marmalade is pleased! You will never stifle my fruit based tyranny!" Questioned about the viability of his business, Armadox smiled and said, "I'll wait until you clear the hut before slaughtering you, can't risk hurting the marmalade."
 
 
Certainly the Collective's marketing campaign is provocative and eye-catching: carved on the side of a hut is some writing. It reads “Above the hut's enterance is a sign "Scavengers Mercantile Mango Co-operative". Outside the hut is a stick with the head of Mother of Armadox on it.” Long standing searches for other fruits such as pineapples have always proven unsuccessful, and financial analysis predicts that the sale of such fruits at a trader would reap sound profits.
 
  
 +
==Fort Creedy Petroleum Continues Oil Search==
  
''[[Talk:Shartak Financial Times#Mangoes and Bananas|Discuss]]''
+
The Fort Creedy Petroleum Company is engaged in a search for oil in and around the ruins of the same name, north-west of Durham. "We WANT to find within A year some HEAVY lubricant So We can start prOduction and Refining without Delay," says Eugene Hart Jr, the company's local manager. "So we're SEARCHing for oil and gas OUTSIDE the old ARMOURY AT FORT CREEDY." When questioned why a listed company would want to waste money on such a worthless substance, Hart turns serious. "We see potential in oil. Imagine a day where engines are other than steam powered, and don't require wood to be fired - the environmental benefits in saving forests would be enormous. And anyone who has lived in a large city knows that horse manure is particalised and sent into the air to be breathed in by the entire population - to say nothing of the stink of dead horses on every street corner. Oil offers a clean alternative." The share price of the Fort Creedy Petroleum Company as been static for several months at one-eighth of a gold coin.
  
 
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
 
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
  
==Christmas Inflation causes Concern==
 
[[Image:200px-Santa_usairforce.jpg|right|thumb|Beware the bolshevik menace.]]
 
  
Inflation following [[Santa Claus|Santa "Marx" Claus's]] socialist nationalisation and redistribution of wealth several paces south of what is now known as Santa's Splash, the waterfall at the south end of Blood Mountain. Claus, long recognised as a communist insurgent notable for his considerable efforts at disrupting the global toy industry by distribution of toys to "good" children, appeared in December in a hut with elfin associates to "give out" large sums of money to "visitors".
+
 
+
==Economic Boom Increases Assets of High Net Worth Individuals==
The trail of cash is presently being investigated by authorities, who believe it might be associated with money laundering activities funding terrorist cells and criminal organisations such as the [[Civilized Highway Society]] in [[York]]. "The large sums of money which have now entered the economy will have a negative effect on the value of goods and service across the island," says Dr. Henry Quantos, head of the [[Shartak Centre for Economics]] in [[Derby]]. "Fuelling inflation in such a purposeful way is negligent and harmful to ordinary Shartakians &mdash; which was of course Claus' malicious intention. The man is dressed in red for a reason."
+
 
+
Today's statistics on the wealthy characters are as follows:
Farmer Edward Smith, a labourer tilling fields north of York &mdash; while speaking in the third person as if he was some sort of aristocrat &mdash; reported that, "Edward Smith found Santa and helped him patch himself up by 6 hp; someone had also assaulted one of the elves for 7hp. The other elf was unmolested. Edward was a little dissapointed to receive only 50 gold coins, as he was kind of hoping to avoid the hike to refill his first aid supplies. He also suggested [that] if Santa had been directly west someways he could have stayed at the Smith Family farm." Authorities view such support of insurgents as treasonous. Captain Jacobi, a lout from York, had a different view on events: "i only got 50 coins... where the ___ is my ___ing [[Heavy sword|HEAVY SWORD]]!!!!! meh..."
+
 
+
1. Barbarossa 3680
Traders and banks have been encouraged not to inflame the problem through large loans to the impoverished underclass. We take the opportunity to remind all lumpen-proletariat who might be able to read that property is not theft, but it is God's will that a certain, better class of people are wealthier than other, less worthy classes. We also thank Nick Soapdish, for apparently killing the Marxist in his den, albeit with the poorly thought cry, “Oh God....what have I done??”
+
 
+
2. Cutlass Jim 3578
''[[Talk:Shartak Financial Times#Santa's Evil Economic Scheme|Discuss]]''
+
 
 +
3. Darth Bobo 3272
 +
 
 +
4. -- Anonymous -- 2642
 +
 
 +
5. Master Dan jun Perls 2565
 +
 
 +
6. Hideo Inakajimita 2371
 +
 
 +
7. Dappled Shadow 2286
 +
 
 +
8. Holy Spirit 2096
 +
 
 +
9. Roger Wilco 1994
 +
 
 +
10. Lord Aldor 1746
 +
 
 +
11. Songa 1628
 +
 
 +
12. Nixixt 1441
 +
 
 +
13. -- Anonymous -- 1303
 +
 
 +
14. a zombie 1106
 +
 
 +
15. Monkeypaw 1064
 +
 
 +
16. Mowgli 1060
 +
 
 +
17. Quest 1039
 +
 
 +
18. nineless 989
 +
 
 +
19. Kristofer Schanz 905
 +
 
 +
20. Justine 809
 +
 
 +
 
 +
 
 +
The bank managers, holding other people's money, sit at positions 6, 7, 15, 19, and 20 with the York branch not in the list. Ropata, a repeated attacker of the branch managers in Dalpok and Raktam, has stepped out from behind his anonymous status. Elena Barton has unequivocally dropped from the list as the cut-off for the list has jumped by 300 GCs in the past 3 months.
  
 
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
 
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
  
==List of the Wealthy==
 
  
[[Image:200px-Lorrain.seaport.jpg|right|thumb|Vast amounts of gold and precious gems stripped from silly native temples and ancestral graveyards leave the port of Durham bound for Merrie Olde England.]]
+
==Mercantile Mango Co-operative Eyes Durham==
  
The following list is of the wealthiest people on Shartak as at today's date. Please note that the accuracy of this information is not guaranteed as it is taken from tax returns.
+
In a recent interview about Durham, Armadox the Butcher, CEO of the Mango Mercantile Co-operative, was quoted as saying, "An army marches on it's stomach, and there are many scavengers now. I'm personally still killing for no damn reason, but the others will need some form of commition, since scavenger's don't mind killing everything, including each other. the shiny coin is what keeps them controlled, or atleast attacking one thing.  
  
# Barbarossa 2805
+
"After opening the mango co-op, I've gained an interesting idea on business ethics. Change isn't it, so much as knowledge that if I want to kill lots of people, I'll need something for them to fight for. The scavengers may be pawns, but they're MY pawns damn it.
# Cutlass Jim 2663
 
# -- Anonymous -- 2421
 
# Master Dan jun Perls 2370
 
# Darth Bobo 2271
 
# Holy Spirit 1931
 
# ShempM 1640
 
# Roger Wilco 1566
 
# Hideo Inakajimita 1309
 
# Dappled Shadow 1196
 
# Ibn al Xuffasch 1195
 
# Zom-VLD 1190
 
# Songa 1151
 
# a zombie 1086
 
# Ropata 1071
 
# Lord Aldor 989
 
# Henry Indiana Jones 937
 
# Elena Barton 700
 
# Mowgli 675
 
# Quest 625
 
  
Obviously substantial ancestral land holdings such as [[New Amsterdam]] are not included. While Imperial Bank branch managers occupy numbers 9, 10 and 11, our newspaper finds it curious that pirates are the wealthiest on Shartak, and theorise that this cash horde must have accumulated through prostitution and sodomy. We trust the good men of England will confine their wealth-building activities to more gainful occupations such as white slavery and opium dealing to Chinese.
+
"Other wise they'll attack each other for the fun of doing so, and nothign will get accomplished buy everyone dying. Though... that in itself would amuse me."
  
''[[Talk:Shartak Financial Times#Fine Upstanding Capitalists|Discuss]]''
+
The Co-operative is still denying that it is refusing union officials access to its employees, and that the regularity of their murder and mutilation is simple coincidence. Tensions in Raktam seem to have quietened in recent weeks, although no one is sure if this is because of exhaustion between combatants in the civil war, or simply because Armadox is lost again. Armadox's executive MBA program starts at Raktam University next semester.
  
 
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
 
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
  
==More News in Brief==
 
  
Other news in brief:
+
==Durham Election Outcomes Impact on Trade==
* The <b>Imperials' attack on [[Wiksik]]</b> caused healing herb prices to rise in the region from 1 GC to 2 GCs, proving that even natives can financially benefit from the otherwise messy gore of unnecessary conflict.
+
 
* The <b>[[Mercenary Guild]]'s attack on York</b> caused a similar increase, which astute buyers will have capitalised upon in recent days.
+
The forthcoming election between the Nationalist candidate Nathan Hale and the Pistoleers' Commodore Jacobi is proving to be fiercely contested, with the Nationalists heavily campaigning to the mostly oblivious population of Durham.
* Current <b>[[conch shell]] and heavy sword prices</b> have remained unchanged for the past month, despite efforts to place more heavy swords on the market.
+
 
* The <b>Great Shartak Bearhunt</b> has several participants out to patrol Blood Mountain seeking bears with a large financial stake as a prize.
+
While a Pistoleer victory will almost certainly preserve the status quo of free trade in the city, a Nationalist appears to be certain to result in a curtailment of trading activities between the shipwreck and Durham. This will almost certainly impact upon the activities of groups such as the South Shartak Trading Company.
* The <b>Embrace Death contest in Wiksik</b> produced no financial benefits for anyone but a substantial strain on the Wiksik life insurance industry.
 
* The <b>Derby Derby</b>, starting on 15 February, invites all non-Derbians to slay as many Derbians as possible for the prize of a heavy sword, which will gain the winner around 50 GCs at a trader on current market expectations.
 
* The <b>Entertain Master Dan jun Perls contest at the shipwreck</b> ended with a massive prize of 500 GCs distributed to the winner, with more information next issue.
 
  
''[[Talk:Shartak Financial Times#News in Brief|Discuss]]''
+
On the other hand, local traders can expect the costs of first aid kits at the trader's hut to rise, leading to quick and easy profits, in the event of a Nationalist victory as the Mercenaries Guild and the Pistoleers take action against Nationalists following the election. The recent conflict in York saw first aid kits rise to as high as 3 GCs each, a windfall Durham merchants may be keen to enjoy.
 +
  
 
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
 
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
  
<b>Next issue:</b> Should pirates save for their retirement by burying chests of gold in secret locations, or would they be wiser investing their plundered gold in a high yield pension fund?
+
 
 +
==Derby Courts Need Lawyers==
 +
 
 +
A new judicial system opened in Derby this week witht he following annoucement by Captain Rob Zombie of the Derby Privateers: "A chance to contest the desicion made by the Privateers, to say your bit where you'll be heard by more than just the Privateers. The jury features a Hospitaller, unaligned Derby resident and a Privateer." The brainchild of Derby Consul Janet Grey and implemented by prominent Derbian James Barnes, the courts have yet to hear their first case, due to a lack of legal representation for both plaintiffs and defendants. The establishment of a Lawyers Guild is presently being considered, but regrettably most of the best candidates are based at the shipwreck.
 +
 
 +
Elections for Consul and Tribune were also held recently in Derby, but no one seemed to notice, least of all Derbians. The recent headhunter attack seems to have had a fairly low effect on voter apathy, with many constituents holding out since no candidate ran on the platform of liberalisation of prostitution. "The establishment of the East Derby Brothel District is something we'll get to once we get security, health, education and transport infrastructure sorted out," said one anonymous eunuch official.
 +
 
 +
 
  
 
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
 
''[[#top|Return to Contents]]''
 +
 +
 +
Next issue: an expose on defective mango implants at the york dating agency. With pictures!

Latest revision as of 14:19, 25 March 2007

Banksymbol.jpg

SHARTAK FINANCIAL TIMES

Vol 1, Issue 2.

Editorial

The publishers of this fine newspaper condemn the tabloid pirate publication, The Masthead, for its libellous propaganda against York Owl God cultists and more recently the fine inbred people of Durham. On the first topic, this newspaper sees nothing particualrly revolting about mastublatory immolation against a giant stone idol, and in fact was contemplating a pay-per-rub stall to accomodate the increasingly long queues forming from Czechy's Tavern. On the second topic, the people of Durham have a long and noble tradition of marrying cousins, sisters, aunts, and livestock, and in that way follow the fine examples established by generations of aristocracy in beloved England. The publishers of the Masthead should pull their heads in, we say, or face the gallows. - Justice Hart of York, Editor.

Return to Contents


Anti-Communist League Brutally Slaughters Evil and Smelly Reds

York, 17 March: With the rise of Marxist subversives lead by noted 14 year old hothead Che, the call has gone out: who will stop this pre-pubescent revolutionary from taking all our toys and going home?

"The Shartak Communist Party is a menace," says Arminius, leader of the anti-communist movement and clearly one of the most sensible men on the planet. "They must be stopped! Our motto is "Live Free or Die", theirs is "Live as a Slave to the Shartak Communist Party or We Will Kill You as a Counter-Revolutionary". For this reason the Shartak Anti-Communists are in favour of war to the hilt on the Red Menace on Shartak."

When asked if any clemency would be offered to the Marxist peril, Arminius properly replied, "All bearers of the Red Plague must be stopped before they can spread their disease further! Yes. One might say that we anti-communists are like doctors-- we have the cure for the Red Disease. 20 gold coins to every man, woman, child, or animal who kills a communist, collectible in any settlement at the Bank. Show your pride in Capitalism by killing a communist for money."

Bounty for the death of Che and his followers can be collected from any bank branch upon proof of death (screenshot, underworld, bloody scalp).

A representative of the South Shartak trading Company was quoted as saying, "Bloody reds, indeed! What you did to the Tsar was inhumane, to say the least. Is it really a crime for one to be inbred, stupid, and losing The Great War at the same time? Surely there is some leeway?

"Now, I must warn you. I am not one of those capitalists that has not seen the light of day, much less felt the sting of nettles and the smell of gunpowder from a discharged weapon. Oh no, I am not just a businessman. I am Jack W Spalding, a former soldier of the Queen's own expeditionary forces, and as such I am quite capable of looking after my self interests!

"Besides, what do you plan on doing? Replacing our current system that rewards effort with riches with your worker's paradise? Or do you plan on replacing one elitist system with another, with you as the elite class? That is how humanity always works, and always shall. Now I have business to attend to. Good day, chaps!" In the interests of unbiased journalism for which this newspaper is famous, we intended to take select quotations from Che's brain-addled manifesto, but it was filled with nonsense questioning why people are kneejerk-against Communism, so we bundled the note into an effigy and burned it in the street before a chanting, jeering mob.

Return to Contents


Bank Re-opens in York: Shipwreck Experiment in Progress

The Imperial Bank is pleased to advise that it has re-opened in York, with long-standing York resident Gitboy appointed as bank manager. The branch is in its previous location, one pace north-west of the trader's hut. The re-establishment of operations comes following the following invitation from Colonial Police chief Kjendlie:

On behalf of the Colonial Police, I cordially invite the Bank to re-establish itself in York, perhaps with another Banker. For all the trouble and loss of business the bank has suffered amidst all the recent civil strife in York, I promise that the Colonial Police shall pay 500 gold as a token of York's forgiveness, no strings attached, as a donation to the general fund of the York branch of the bank. This sum will be payable 10 gold for every day the bank stays in operation, paid once a week. In other words 70 gold per week if the bank stays open in York the entire week. If the bank stays open in York for the entire payment period (50 days) without closing, I will throw in a further bonus of 100 gold.

I ask for nothing in return, except for the return of uninterrupted bank service to Shartak's best city.

With this committment from the local constables, the Bank assessed sovereign risk in York to have been diminshed, and re-established operations. A large sum of money is en route to York to supplement the branch's offerings to the public.

In the meantime, the former York branch manager, Ibn al Xuffasch is on the north shore of the island accompanied by 4 Mercenaries Guildsmen, namely, Griffon, Raffles, Tom Failur, and Zydd Soral. More Guildsmen are waiting at the shipwreck. Xuffasch's mission to to set up week-long operations at the trader's hut at the shipwreck, in the hope of, firstly, soliciting busiiness from wealthy buccaneers, and secondly, assessing the viability of ongoing operations at the wreck. The bank is paying the Guild 250 GCs for protection during the visit. At the conclusion of this task, Xuffasch will be retiring from bank business.

What will Xuffasch do after this mission? "I'm thinking about establishing an observatory on the top of Blood Mountain," said Xuffasch in in exclusive interview. "In addition to more traditionally stargazing, I'm also interested in the search for extraterrestrial life. Imagine if there were people out there, beyond the atmosphere, possibly even peering down on us?" Asked about astrology, Xuffasch smiled and said, "Oh come on. As if anything out there could possibly control our destinies."

Return to Contents


Fort Creedy Petroleum Continues Oil Search

The Fort Creedy Petroleum Company is engaged in a search for oil in and around the ruins of the same name, north-west of Durham. "We WANT to find within A year some HEAVY lubricant So We can start prOduction and Refining without Delay," says Eugene Hart Jr, the company's local manager. "So we're SEARCHing for oil and gas OUTSIDE the old ARMOURY AT FORT CREEDY." When questioned why a listed company would want to waste money on such a worthless substance, Hart turns serious. "We see potential in oil. Imagine a day where engines are other than steam powered, and don't require wood to be fired - the environmental benefits in saving forests would be enormous. And anyone who has lived in a large city knows that horse manure is particalised and sent into the air to be breathed in by the entire population - to say nothing of the stink of dead horses on every street corner. Oil offers a clean alternative." The share price of the Fort Creedy Petroleum Company as been static for several months at one-eighth of a gold coin.

Return to Contents


Economic Boom Increases Assets of High Net Worth Individuals

Today's statistics on the wealthy characters are as follows:

1. Barbarossa 3680

2. Cutlass Jim 3578

3. Darth Bobo 3272

4. -- Anonymous -- 2642

5. Master Dan jun Perls 2565

6. Hideo Inakajimita 2371

7. Dappled Shadow 2286

8. Holy Spirit 2096

9. Roger Wilco 1994

10. Lord Aldor 1746

11. Songa 1628

12. Nixixt 1441

13. -- Anonymous -- 1303

14. a zombie 1106

15. Monkeypaw 1064

16. Mowgli 1060

17. Quest 1039

18. nineless 989

19. Kristofer Schanz 905

20. Justine 809


The bank managers, holding other people's money, sit at positions 6, 7, 15, 19, and 20 with the York branch not in the list. Ropata, a repeated attacker of the branch managers in Dalpok and Raktam, has stepped out from behind his anonymous status. Elena Barton has unequivocally dropped from the list as the cut-off for the list has jumped by 300 GCs in the past 3 months.

Return to Contents


Mercantile Mango Co-operative Eyes Durham

In a recent interview about Durham, Armadox the Butcher, CEO of the Mango Mercantile Co-operative, was quoted as saying, "An army marches on it's stomach, and there are many scavengers now. I'm personally still killing for no damn reason, but the others will need some form of commition, since scavenger's don't mind killing everything, including each other. the shiny coin is what keeps them controlled, or atleast attacking one thing.

"After opening the mango co-op, I've gained an interesting idea on business ethics. Change isn't it, so much as knowledge that if I want to kill lots of people, I'll need something for them to fight for. The scavengers may be pawns, but they're MY pawns damn it.

"Other wise they'll attack each other for the fun of doing so, and nothign will get accomplished buy everyone dying. Though... that in itself would amuse me."

The Co-operative is still denying that it is refusing union officials access to its employees, and that the regularity of their murder and mutilation is simple coincidence. Tensions in Raktam seem to have quietened in recent weeks, although no one is sure if this is because of exhaustion between combatants in the civil war, or simply because Armadox is lost again. Armadox's executive MBA program starts at Raktam University next semester.

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Durham Election Outcomes Impact on Trade

The forthcoming election between the Nationalist candidate Nathan Hale and the Pistoleers' Commodore Jacobi is proving to be fiercely contested, with the Nationalists heavily campaigning to the mostly oblivious population of Durham.

While a Pistoleer victory will almost certainly preserve the status quo of free trade in the city, a Nationalist appears to be certain to result in a curtailment of trading activities between the shipwreck and Durham. This will almost certainly impact upon the activities of groups such as the South Shartak Trading Company.

On the other hand, local traders can expect the costs of first aid kits at the trader's hut to rise, leading to quick and easy profits, in the event of a Nationalist victory as the Mercenaries Guild and the Pistoleers take action against Nationalists following the election. The recent conflict in York saw first aid kits rise to as high as 3 GCs each, a windfall Durham merchants may be keen to enjoy.


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Derby Courts Need Lawyers

A new judicial system opened in Derby this week witht he following annoucement by Captain Rob Zombie of the Derby Privateers: "A chance to contest the desicion made by the Privateers, to say your bit where you'll be heard by more than just the Privateers. The jury features a Hospitaller, unaligned Derby resident and a Privateer." The brainchild of Derby Consul Janet Grey and implemented by prominent Derbian James Barnes, the courts have yet to hear their first case, due to a lack of legal representation for both plaintiffs and defendants. The establishment of a Lawyers Guild is presently being considered, but regrettably most of the best candidates are based at the shipwreck.

Elections for Consul and Tribune were also held recently in Derby, but no one seemed to notice, least of all Derbians. The recent headhunter attack seems to have had a fairly low effect on voter apathy, with many constituents holding out since no candidate ran on the platform of liberalisation of prostitution. "The establishment of the East Derby Brothel District is something we'll get to once we get security, health, education and transport infrastructure sorted out," said one anonymous eunuch official.


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Next issue: an expose on defective mango implants at the york dating agency. With pictures!