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This oldtimer has been in the wars. Literally. A proud defender of York in times of trouble since the start of the Second Invasion, he stands at around 5'10". A stalwart companion if ever there was one. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but then weapons do tend to get blunt from overuse in York.

This stuff is just off the top of my head at the moment. I aim to wikify it later.

The Church of Zoozism

The Church of Zoozism is renowned for its open-mindedness. In fact, it is so extremely liberal that woe betide those who do not agree with its liberal ideals. It will bend over backwards to appease those who do accept its ideals.

We believe that Zoozs will come to Shartak and destroy it and those who aren't part of the Zoozist faith. If you wish to be a part of the faith, simply join the Church. If you wish to be a part of the faith but have reservations about Zoozism being the only way to be saved when he comes, the Church does not mind. If you wish to be a part of the faith but don't believe there is a deity at all, join the Church. To join, you must agree to abide by its laws, unless they offend you or someone else. Once you have been sprinkled with holy berry juice by an ordained minister, you are a member of the Church.

Primary Aims of Zoozism

º Wait for the coming of the Great Zoozs

º Avoid offending anybody


Clerical Ranks

º Drancail

º Notable Drancail

º Really Notable Drancail

º Really Really Conspicuous Drancail

º Kiku

Clerical Garments

º A charm of some sorts - it looks pretty

º Fluorescent yellow robes - they make the wearer more obvious to Zoozs in case he can´t see them

º A silly hat - it's compulsory for other religions, so why not us?


º Actual belief in Zoozs is not essential for ordination in case it offends those of other faiths

º The Kiku, being the head of the church of Zoozism, is allowed to change the rules of Zoozism if he thinks Zoozs got it wrong these past few centuries.

Laws of Zoozism

Iº Killing is forbidden unless done so with a dagger. The church is currently embroiled in civil war between those who follow this law and those who think it can be interpreted to allow knives to be used also.

IIº Compromise with Outsiders whenever possible to prevent offense. Natives, however, are spiritually backward, so their feelings don´t count. Correct them whenever necessary.

IIIº Zoozs will come down to destroy the earth and everyone on it. This may offend non-believers, so when necassary change to "Zoozs will come down to redecorate the earth and play hopskotch [or some other non-offensive game] with everyone."

IVº The Holy Book of Zoozs is to be bowed to and handled with care at all times. Reading it is not essential, as the Church does not believe all of it anyway, but the actual cover and paper itself is considered Holy.