The York Times, issue 6
The York Times, back with enough truth to KILL A RHINO!
DLC; Criminal or victim of the modern time?
Not much is known about this man. However, I've been able to find some very old....and suprising....information about him in the York Archives.
Poor DLC was born to a cannibal man named Uglokbalokmagokitylsmastnagok and an outsider woman named Tilly. Sadly, his parents didnt love him enough to give him a real name so they called him DLC. Uglokbalokmagokitylsmastnagok left DLC and Tilly respectively, mostly because DLC was prone to poking tigers and eating glue as a small child. When DLC grew up, he began to hate natives, even though has was half one, because of what his father did. Tilly went insane shortly after DLC's fifth birthday, and went to live in a parrot sanctuary deep within the jungle.
DLC was alone for a short time after that, however, he soon found guidance in a mentor, Serious Sam. Sam taught DLC all of his plans and tactics for battle (mostly involving rushing a village and declaring he is 'teh law') DLC started his own clan of misfits, gathered mostly of other half-natives and loons. Their plan was to raid Wiksik, but half of them were raped by rhino's halfway there, the others didnt know which way to hold their weapons, ending in many lost eyes and blown off faces.
DLC is thought to be somewhat dangerous and in the company of people like Serious Sam. If they havent been raped by rhino's or the victims of accidental misfire, please escort them to the nearest Mental Hospital for evaluation. Note; He may have super-natural strength and under dellusions of grandeur because of all the poison fungi he's ingested.
