Botheringham FC Supporters' Club
|Botheringham FC Supporters' Club|
|Members:||A sell-out crowd (26)|
|Goals:||Supporting the Mighty Bov's|
|Recruitment policy:||Wear the pink-and-purple with pride|
|Contact:||Any fellow Botherer|
"Coooooooooome ooooonnnnn yooooouuuuu Boooooooooov's!"
Inroduction? I hardly think the greatest damn team in the whole damn South-East Division needs any introduction.
The Supporters' Club
The now-infamous Pwotters first brought word of the mighty Bov's to Shartak, but their - entirely undeserved - reputation may have dissuaded some otherwise loyal fans from publicly supporting the GREATEST DAMN TEAM IN THE WHOLE DAMN DIVISION. In the Botheringham FC Supporters' Club, our only goal is to support our beloved Bov's, through thick and thin, wind and rain, war and pestilence. We welcome everyone who has love for the Bov's, regardless of race, clan or alleged sexual preferences. As long as you wear something pink-and-purple in either your description or your avatar, anyway.
The Botheringham FC Supporters’ Club has no goals, ethos or aims, other than to support the mighty mighty Bov’s. This may be done by shouting “Go Bov’s!” in crowded huts, teaching parrots to sing rousing terrace chants such as Oh When the Bov’s Come Marching In and There’s Only One Botheringham FC, and ensuring that any shargle-molesting Lowersex FC scum are beaten savagely and mocked even more savagely.
So come along to our newly-refurbished Club House, and we can hang out, eat Scampi Fries and drink beer, and argue about whether Calvinho can actually go all the way this season and beat Bov's legend and all-time top goal scorer John Johnson's record of 56 red cards in 38 games.
Following the 7-0 drubbing of Lowersex FC on July 5th 2008, Botheringham FC supporters, consisting primarily of members of the Pwotters clan, went on a celebratory outing through the streets of York. Total casualties have never been officially confirmed, but it is well-documented that they included the entire population of the town, including Kahuni, Trader Harry and his guard dog, and a couple of passing roaming shamen. Several names were mooted for this lighthearted social occasion, amongst them The York Riots, A Spot of Bother, Night of the Long Boners and The Night of Gale's Tiny Dong, and his Murderous Over-Compensation for Said Tiny Dong. However, it was finally decided that it should be known as Botheringnacht, and, moreover, that it was awesome.
The Club House
In late December 2008, the former Pwotters' HQ was leased out by the Director of the Supporters' Club, for an undisclosed amount, and became the first fully-customised residence on the island. Don't let those Kingdom of Skulls or Port Breton wannabes tell you any different - we've got the whole shabang. Swing by and see for yourself, we're in York, 1NE of the Weapons Hut.
As the undisputed No.1 Club House on Shartak, it is incumbent upon us to ensure it is kept clean and tidy, with a readily available supply of Scampi Fries and other complimentary snacks. Any bodies lying around should be made as unobtrusive as possible – and perhaps provided with a funny hat or mustache - so as to maintain an image appropriate to that of the extremely serious business of supporting the all-conquering Voles.
Should any non-Bov graffiti appear inside – probably at the hands of some Lowersex mouthbreather – the Board of Directors kindly asks that it be replaced with something along the following lines:
Botheringham FC Supporters' Club Club House” A large painting fills one wall, showing the streets of York piled high with bodies, and buildings aflame. A bronze plaque below reads “Botheringnacht
Botheringham FC Supporters' Club Club House” A blue-and-green shirt hangs on one wall, covered in blood and full of machete-holes. A smaller sign reads “No Lowersex Scum Allowed!
Botheringham FC Supporters' Club Club House” The distinct smell of Scampi Fries lingers in the air, and above the fireplace is strung a scarf embroidered with the words “Up the Bov’s!
Botheringham FC Supporters' Club Club House” A picture hangs on the far wall, showing two men shaking hands. A pair of signatures is scrawled in the corner, reading “Calvinho” and “Goatsnelli
The origins of Botheringham and Lowersex’s rivalry, and the accompanying coruscating hatred, is lost in the depths of time. However, it’s a fairly safe bet that it was all their fault, and as such the jumped-up, blue-and-green wearing chancer bastards are to be hounded without mercy and with extreme prejudice. I mean, they're only in the SE Division because Crappington FC's stadium is in a dangerous state of disrepair, thereby forfeitting their promotion chances and giving it to the Lowersex scum by default.
The following individuals have been observed to display typical Lowersex FC behaviour or pro-Lowersex sentiments, and should be shown the business end of a blunt machete at every opportunity:
Of course, should they choose to repent of their heinous crimes against good taste and return to the pink-and-purple light, we will of course accept them with open arms.
Some of the Botherers' favourite ditties are...
We love you Botheringham, we do / We love you Botheringham, we do / We love you Botheringham, we do / Ooooooooooooooooooooh, Botheringham we love you!
Oh we love the Bov’s and we hate Lowersex / We love the Bov’s and we hate Lowersex / We love the Bov’s and we hate Lowersex / We hate Lowersex, we do!
Give me Bov’s in my heart, keep me bothering / Give me Bov’s in my heart I pray! / Give me Bov’s in my heart, keep me bothering / Keep me bothering ‘til the break of day!
Oh when the Bovs / Come marching in / Oh when the Bov's come marching in / I want to be, amongst that number / Oh when the Bov's come marching in!
There's only one Botheringham FC! ONE BOTHERINGHAM FC!
Goatsnelli and Calvinho
This season, the Bov’s are in an excellent position to take home both the SE Divisionship Cup and the Inter-League Championship Charity Shield, and be serious contenders for the Premier Conference Grand Tournament Toast-Rack, with the dream pairing of manager Fabio Goatsnelli and wonder-striker Calvinho.
Goatsnelli brings innovative tactics, powerful motivational techniques, and an almost superhuman ability to walk the thin line between libellous slander of opposing managers and ‘psychological manoeuvring.’ Calvinho combines technical genius with casual, sickening brutality, to create a nigh-on unstoppable goal-scoring/player-maiming machine. Although controversy surrounds these two giants-amongst-men like a cloud of flies surrounds a dirty, stinking Lowersex fan, they show no signs of slowing in their implacable march towards victory and legend. Go Bov’s!
Botheringham FC vs. Botherington FC
28/04/09 – Botheringham FC ?? - ?? Botherington FC
Unlike the traditional derby match, Botheringhamshire’s two preeminent clubs share a long and ambivalent history, and so the games are not marred by the typical rivalry, aggression and attempted murder so common at these events. In fact, following the First Great Stadium Disaster of ’99, when a poorly-mixed Molabov™ Cocktail resulted in Botheringham’s Vole Park being reduced to ashes, Botherington fans turned out in their dozens to help with the rebuilding. Similarly, when a Botheringham secretary mixed up the address labels and sent a consignment of letter bombs to Botherington supporters’ houses instead of Lowersex, Bov’s fans opened their doors to those left homeless and/or maimed, in an inspirational show of collective guilt.
And so it was that when the pink-and-purples met the purple-and-pinks, both players and supporters were having such a good time at Vole Park, sharing their packed lunches and flasks of tea, looking at each other’s holiday photos, and swapping amusing anecdotes about their children, that no-one actually noticed the final score at the whistle. However, when the managers, players and Supporters’ Club Directors got together to discuss the issue, Botherington said Botheringham could have the win, as a thanks for providing such a jolly good day out for all the fans.
Botheringham FC vs. Twaddlethorpe United
12/04/09 - Botheringham FC 3 - 13 Twaddlethorpe United
The Bov's suffered another set-back in their race for the South Eastern Divisionship title, after what can only be described as a thrashing by Twaddlethorpe United. The problems came from Twaddlethorpe's surprise signing of Smiths' Scampi Fries Player of the Year 2009½ Jean Thierry Jeanfils half an hour before the match, who came on to score all 13 of Twaddlethorpe's goals.
The Voles' defenders put in a fantastic performance, resulting in all four being sent off before the final whistle, but it was not enough to stop the brilliant Jeanfils. It wasn't until Calvinho's magnificent 10-yard, two-footed tackle broke Jeanfils' crotch that the Bov's could salve their wounded pride somewhat and claim their three goals.
11/03/09 - Botheringham FC 3 - 12 Uppersbottom Town - 14 Farthingsworth FC
This week, the Voles’ found themselves in the unenviable position of having to play against two teams at the same time after a mix-up with the fixtures, and suffered a crushing defeat at the combined hands of Uppersbottom Town and Farthingsworth FC.
Prior to the match, manager Fabio Goatsnelli protested at this previously unheard of situation. It was pointed out that had the Botheringham FC Board of Directors not hired a friend of one of their mates’ girlfriends to reposition all the road signs for 30 miles in every direction from Botheringhamshire, and send the Uppersbottom team coach over a cliff and into an abandoned quarry, the original match could have gone ahead as planned.
Botheringham FC vs. West Eastington
26/02/09 - Botheringham FC 3 - 2 West Eastington
Following a month-long absence from the league – due to the entire squad disappearing into Bangkok’s red-light district for several weeks after a friendly against Dik Tuk United – the Bov’s have come back with a solid result away to newcomers West Eastington.
The Voles’ goalkeeper, Roger Ruffly, was awarded Man of the Match and presented with the match ball, after the bloodstains were cleaned off and embedded teeth removed. The referee commented that it was the first time he had ever seen a man continue to play with two broken legs, let alone score a hat-trick.
Botheringham FC vs. Dangleton Wanderers
27/01/09 - Botheringham FC 4 - 1 Dangleton Wanderers
The Bov's celebrated a well-deserved four-one win over league placeholders Dangleton yesterday, in a textbook display of sharp passing, excellent ball-control, and well-balanced offensive/defensive tactics. The usual thuggery and foul play that we have seen in recent games was conspicuous by its absence, replaced by a focus on technical football with a healthy dash of innovation.
Thirty seconds after the final whistle, player-manager Frank Franklin was handed a petition, signed by every fan present at the match, calling for his resignation with immediate effect and his last three months' wages to be docked in lieu of being horsewhipped to death.
Botheringham FC vs. Tuggerford City
08/01/09 - Botheringham FC 0 - 34 Tuggerford City
Despite the match ending in a disappointing score, the Bov's claimed the moral victory, if not an actual victory on the pitch, due to Tuggerford City's stadium being condemned for demolition and the area in a three-mile radius placed under armed quarantine, following our supporters' vigourous protests at the sending off of the entire Botheringham squad in the first five minutes of the match.
The majority of Tuggerford's goals were 'scored' by their keeper, after it was judged that his deathgrip on the ball meant a goal was scored everytime he was kicked backwards and forwards across Botheringham's goal line. Go Bov's!
Merchandise and Apparel
No self respecting Botherer would be seen dead without the latest season's kit, so get yourself pink-and-purpled up at the team store... Well go on. What are you, some sort of Lowersex-supporting bastard?
The Botheringham FC Supporters’ Club Board of Directors accepts no liability for any acts of vandalism, hooliganism, sexual harrassment or genocide carried out by Club members. It’s all just high spirits, anyway. Botheringnacht, you say? They started it.