|Goals:||Annihilation. Genocide. See the Bov's take home the cup.|
|Recruitment policy:||We welcome all into our loving and masculine arms, except for damn dirty natives and Chelsea supporters. We'll still take you lot, just don't be surprised when you keep getting shot in the face.|
|Contact:||Post here, young squancho. Prove your worth and we may let you in on our great works.|
We will tear through all these little harmonious native villages like a tropical cyclone. Women, children, worthless roleplaying beardos: we will sweep every single native up in a blitzkrieg of bloodthirsty genocide. We will rampage across the pristine countryside; an organised army of pure malevolent destruction, slashing and burning an entire ecosystem. Rolling over villages like anthills; raping and murdering and annihilating like the forces of darkness itself.
You will remember us in your nightmares and your whispered stories. Tales of an unstoppable juggernaut just beyond the horizon that you can all but flee, until at last we are upon you. And the horrors we unleash will make your final fleeting moments seem like a lifetime of terror.
We will burn our atrocities into your minds. Yes, you will protest and cry foul and run to those who hold sway in this land and plead with them to stop us. You will howl and moan in your safe places and on your forums, you will smash your keyboards in disgust. But all your well-learned politics will come to naught when we lay your souls to waste.
Our goal is nothing less than to eradicate an entire (imaginary) race of people and burn their bones into dust. Our ferocity will leave our friends aghast and our enemies traumatised, left with only nightmares and thousand-yard stares. Those who have opened this world to us will soon know what evil man is truly capable of, and you will pray for your own redemption for the small part you played in the horror this is to come.
Also, Botheringham's in with a real chance this season, since they've moved Calvinho to the diagonal-half position. They're already 2-0 up on the ladder!
After the much-publicised public relations disaster that was the Botheringham Stadium Beautification Project, tensions were high and the atmosphere electric during the Bov's first home match against Lowersex at the half-completed Botheringham Stadium. Despite a strong turnout of boisterously pro-Lowersex supporters from York, the game quickly soured for the injury-depleted Lowersex Peggers. Following the 7-0 drubbing of Lowersex by the jetlagged but sprightly Botheringham, violence immediately spilled out onto the streets of northern York.
While being evacuated from the overrun stadium by helicopter, Botheringham star striker Leonhard Milquetoast desperately called for calm amid the broiling sea of destruction below. He is quoted as saying the following:
"Now lads, it's only a game, yeah? Still early in the season like. We all just came to 'ave a bit o' fun. A few folk might 'ave got hurt a little, but it's all part o' the game. Just 'avin a laugh, yeah? No need to take it all so seriou..."
Unfortunately, one particularly loyal Lowersex supporter had procured for himself an RPG during the post-match chaos and managed, by all accounts, to shoot Milquetoast's helicopter out of the sky. All on board perished; while the Lowersex supporter was subsequently eviscerated by the unruly mob.
After much additional bloodshed and mayhem, calm was eventually restored when most Botheringham supporters went home, since they had work in the morning. Unfortunately, when normalcy resumed the follwing day, several members of the Botheringhamshire council discovered, much to their collective horror, that in their fervour the previous night they had passed a unanimous motion to declare war on the city of York, Shartak Island.
Council by-laws being what they are, the Botheringham FC Supporters' Club have no choice but to follow through on this declaration at their soonest convenience. Botheringhamshire president Kilpatrick McOyster had this to say:
“Oohhh, fookin ‘eck. Yeh boys might a roit sozzie intie, eh? Gecha vees ootand arse an cannie back till yeh deed or pussin whiskey. Fookin gobshite.”
On that note, anyone who doesn’t feel like getting killed in the immediate future would be wise to leave York now. If you feel like joining in on our crusade (the more the merrier!), drop us a line at the forum link over yonder. Everyone else: good luck! We’ll see you soon.
UPDATE 05:13, 6 July 2008 (UTC): We're very pleased to announce that the final solution to the York problem has been enacted with complete success! Congratulations to all those Botheringham supporters who turned out and made a spiffing time of it. A celebratory afternoon tea will be held in central York later today, once we've cleared away most of the corpses. Calvinho and Macclesfield will be flying in especially to toast the occasion. Let's hear it for the Bovs!
12:11, 29 June 2008 (UTC)York for the time being. Playing darts and lighting farts, that sort of thing. Although we have noticed that the football pitch at Botheringham Stadium is in a sorry state of disrepair.
Anyone with a Machete can help us out by cutting roads to the stadium or clearing out the parking lot as shown in the map to the left. If you have a few spare planks of driftwood, you can also help out by marking out the stands and the pitch boundry. Remember, this is for our boys so they can have a respectible home ground. In the words of the immortal Mitch Freisenburg: "Sometimes, you just want to play football on, like, proper grass like."
Amen. VIVA BOTHERINGHAM!
13:48, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
We have arrived. Here looks great! Just taking a stroll along the beach. Lovely day, don't you think?
Clan membership is invitation only at the moment, so just follow the link in the box up there, sign up and post something explaining why you think you're awesome enough to join our ranks. It's all downhill from there, ababy.
Botheringham FC Standings
|No.||Home||Away||W/L/D||Final Score||Championship Points|
|1||Newcastershire Wells 2nd Reserve||Botheringham||L||9-7||24|
Next match: Botheringham vs. Her Majesty's Royal Gunners.
C'MON THE BOV'S!
[Previous Match Statistics: Last time the Bov's met the Royal Gunners was in the ultimte game of last season. Botheringham's then-manager Ernesto Pancetta was sent off for "repeatedly stamping on the opposition fly-back's crotch, for a period of almost 25 minutes". This came after Pancetta had made the controversial (and, it was later discovered after reading the rulebook, totally bloody illegal) decision to substitute Botheringham's entire defensive line for himself. When asked by his assistant manager to justify the decision at the time, it is alleged that Pancetta replied "those goons don't even know what football is. I'll show them. I'll show them football. I'll stamp on a crotch or two, oh yes."
Initially the tactic seemed to pay off. Her Majesty's attacking players were too noble to force themselves on this elderly gentleman who had positioned himself between them and the goal they so lusted for. After the crotch incident and the subsequent mega-red-card, however, the goals began pouring in. Final scoreline: HMRG 21, Botheringham 7. Botheringham and Pancetta could at least take some solace in the fact that the fly-back's junk was ruined for life.]