The Scurvy Crew of The Hell-born Strumpet
|The Scurvy Crew of The Hell-born Strumpet|
|Leadership:||Captain Tyler Whitney|
|Members:||There be the Captain, the First Mate, the Sailing Master, the Master's Mate, the Gunner, the Gunner's Mate, the Ship's Surgeon, the Surgeon's Mate, a Rum Runner, the Cabin Boy, the Ship's Carpenter, the Boatswain, the Cartographer the Able-bodied Seamen, and A Monkey.|
|Goals:||The pursuit of booty and/or rum. YARRR!!!|
|Recruitment policy:||ARRR!! All crew positions be determined by first-come first-serve or no rules cage death match. Ye must be a pirate or pirate sympathizer. If ye wish to name your own rank ye have liberty to add it to the ship's manifest.|
|Contact:||E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org to be added to the manifest.|
It was during a partial lunar eclipse several months ago that the Captain entered one of his "fits" of stumbling delerium. Most likely brought on by a batch of particularly foul York-town rum. And as any resident of Shartak knows, the only rum worth drinking is either Derbyman Blue or the Shipwreck's own Wild Strumpet 301 Proof Rum. A chemical and mathematical paradox of deliciousness! It was in this period, while the Captain was wandering the jungle, shouting at ferns and drinking elephant milk, that the long neglected ship's log of the Hell-Born Stumpet was found in the Large Cabin. This log will know doubt become an invaluable resource for all residents of the island in decyphering the Crew's bizarre origins and motives. The first installment to be taken out of the water in the Cabin, transcribed, and reproduced here is a record of the Captain's life before the Strumpet wrecked on Shartak.
A Gentleman's Wager
It appears that recently a member of the Scurvy Crew has had a beef and has started hunting a member of the Jolly Roger Gang. Rather than let this encourage more violence between the crews the Captains have decided to let them settle it between themselves. The recent decision to start placing bets on who wins and the possible profits of such had absolutely nothing to do with the Captains' judgement in this case.
That being said, PLACE YOUR BETS! PLACE YOUR BETS RIGHT HEAH!!!
- Captain Michael Edwards: 7 on the Roger boy to win
- Captain Tyler Whitney: 5 gold on Mr. Xintlaer to win, with a side bet of six gold that he gets lucky and lands two 5-damage swings of the cutlass in the process.
- Captain Dan wages 30 golden coins on Xintlaer to beat this here Roger boy! Note, this be a private bet. Anyone wish to risk 30 coins on that Zom-VLD will beat our boy?
- Rozen, JRG's PKer slayer, wagers 5 on Zom, with a side bet of 5, on the fight ending with the winner (whoever it be) on lower than 15 HP.
- Zom-VLD, JRG's treasurer - 30 gold to whoever wins (challenge bet)
- Xintlaer, Strumpet's boatswain - 30 to the winner too.
- Master Dan jun Perls: Me thinks the mate called Xintlaer has better odds. 50 gold coins on Xintlaer.
As it appears Mr. Xintlaer and the Jolly Roger's treasurer are the offending parties they are encouraged to approach the beach adjacent to the shipwreck on Friday (exact time to be determined) when the match will begin.
The Gentleman's wager (while a most excellent plan in theory) collapsed in practice as nearby ghosts harrassed fighters, gamblers, and spectators alike. After several tries, a change in venue, and postponments the endeavor was abandoned. Perhaps to be attempted again at a later date.
Over the past few months the Scurvy Crew and other Pirates have become increasingly aware of Outsiders directing violence at their Pirate cousins.
(Unidentified members of the Scurvy Crew and Anti-Pirates engage in battle at the Hell-born Strumpet's Wreck).
For some reason nearly all the clans that have made slaying Pirates their mandate are based out of York. To determine the actual situation the Captain went on a goodwill tour to the Yorkmen's camp. Believing that it was bad manners for a visitor to arrive at a neighbor's empty-handed Captain Whitney brought a bag filled 43 bottles of rum (one for every member of the Crew), and several cutlasses with which to impress the locals. By the time he arrived in York only half a bottle of rum was left, and this was soon thrown at a nearby wild boar. After announcing his presence and intentions at the local Colonial Police station the Captain decided to hit the town. There he saw a pub and several huts in which Outsiders and Natives cohabited peacefully and in which Captain Whitney was welcomed with opened arms and bottles. Such civility between Outsiders and Natives seemed unnatural to the Captain, but he was determined not to offend his hosts, especially while they were picking up this round.
It was during his second night of carousing with the locals that the Captain was assaulted by his first Anti-Pirate. It was one of the same Yorkmen who had been harrassing the Strumpet's Wreck and any other pirates they happened across.
With what he now knew about the population of York, and its Anti-Pirate minority the Captain is convinced that a declaration of Vendetta is in order. The Captain declares Vendetta as approved murdering of one or more clans rather than the indiscriminate targeting of a village as in a Raid. While individual members of these clans have whispered their belief that their machetes might abstain from Scurvy Crew blood (due to the Crew's general policy of non-violence towards other Outsiders) their actions speak differently. The Scurvy Crew cannot also stand by while other Pirates are slain simply for loving rum and brawling more than the island's more timid elements. The Crew be hereby ordered to sink their daggers and cutlasses into members of the following clans wherever they be found:
- The Pirate Hunters: Goes without saying...
- York Pirate Slayers: Same as above...
- The Order of Patriots: It at first appeared the Order's mandate be only the defense of citizens of York and not indiscriminate pirate-hunting. This led the Captain to propose Parley with the Order. The Captain's offer of Parley was soundly rejected and they have made it clear through their words and actions that their goal is the complete obliteration of Pirates from the island. They should be considered as no better than the rumless Natives...
A member of one of the clans mentioned above recently approached the Captain in York and asked for a temporary ceasefire. It seems someone has contracted the Mercenary's Guild to attack the same clans the Scurvy Crew has now declared Vendetta against. This was done before the start of the Captain's goodwill tour of the Yorkmen's camp.
The Captain sees no reason to declare a ceasefire. Why should we, your targets since your clans' inception be moved to restraint now when you have demonstrated none towards us in the past? Are Pirates supposed to pity you now that you are seeing the result of your months of indiscriminate violence towards us? Why should we sheath our cutlasses and wait for your machetes to be sunk into our backs at your convenience? No, many strange and evil things dwell in the hearts of pirates, but mercy isn't one of them.
New Tortuga Has Been Achieved
At the conclusion of negotiations with various other outsider groups the island that the Scurvy Crew calls New Tortuga has been declared a nonaggression zone. The Captain protected the Scurvy Crew's right to behave like violent, drunken villians throughout the lengthy parley. This natural right has been reinforced (so long as no outsiders are harmed on the island or within its shallow waters). What follows below is the original account of the Captain's spiritual awakening and call to New Tortuga:
The Wiksik Raid was hard fighting, no denying that. Those members of the crew who braved the jungle, ill-educated anti-pirate outsiders, native beasts, and savage natives, found themselves several days travel away from their home shaman. The glory and rum won by our cutlasses was that much sweeter with the struggle.
(Derbymen, unaligned Pirates, and members of The Scurvy Crew battle through the island's natives to assault the shaman of Wiksik.)
Many Pirates and Outsiders died in the Wicksick raid. The Captain himself greeted his pirate brethren in the afterlife. It was in this shadow realm that the Captain witnessed the Giant Bottle of Rum.
"Behold your better," said the Bottle of Rum, "And Despair..."
And the Captain of The Scurvy Crew beheld the Giant Bottle of Rum. "Truly I both love and fear you O' Giant Bottle of Rum, but what of my Pirate brothers and sisters? We have been scattered across the island" he said. "We are hunted for our heads by rumless savages. Where can we go to celebrate our bloody plunder and drain the island of rum?"
And yay the Giant Bottle of Rum looked upon the Scurvy Crew in their toils in Wiksik and said, "Know that I have created an island for ye who hunger, and thirst for drunkeness, and it is not the island you stand on. It is the island west of Shartak, and as ye pirates (the beloved children of the Giant Bottle of Rum) love inebriation, so shall you find rum on this island. And it shall be named "New Tortuga".
And the Captain understood The Giant Bottle of Rum, and knew its purpose for the Scurvy Crew. All Crewmembers be hereby ordered to flood the large, horizontal island west of the greater island of Shartak. This island, south of the Strumpet's wreck and west of the Native village of Dalpok, shall be known as "New Tortuga". New Tortuga shall henceforth be known as a private gaming preserve for outsiders in general, but pirates especially, and especially The Scurvy Crew of the Hell-born Strumpet.
It was in the midst of a late afternoon apertif of 3 liters of Derby Rum that a sharpening stone was dropped in the Captain's lap by a particularly ugly monkey.
"Goddamit Monkey!" the Captain said. "That's the fifth time ye interrupted my pouring!"
The Captain then proceeded to waste three days of his life hunting the particularly ugly monkey through jungle, ruins, and shipwreck. He finally cornered it in the Strumpet's Crow's Nest (that sounds a bit racy doesn't it? Nevermind!). After the long pursuit, and being a bit peckish, the Captain ate the monkey.
Sources believe this to be the monkey in its natural habitat, and before the Captain ate it.
It was only when he got to the tail that he noticed a missive tied to it with a green ribbon. Picking his teeth with a monkey rib the Captain sat down to read the message with an after-supper pint of rum. It read:
"Ahoy Captain! My Gang of pirates has planned a raid on dalpok. We have a large deal of pirates marching on Dalpok next week,I would like to invite any of your crew members who might be around to partake in the pillage.--Michael edwards 00:17, 31 August 2006 (UTC)"
"Four Cannon's A-Blazing!" exclaimed the Captain with what he believed to be a pirate expression (it was not, in fact no pirate until him had ever said those words). "There are other pirates on the island besides my beloved Scurvy Crew?" The Captain then sat down and spent the rest of the day drinking and thinking about the implications of this discovery.
The Captain awoke the next morning to hear a ghost whispering in his ear. Shooting up ramrod straight the Captain climbed up Crow's Nest once more, and pulled from his pocket a whistle made of Native bones. Taking a deep breath the Captain then blew on the whistle, but no sound was heard. In fact, the dozens of pirates around the Strumpet's wreck (who the Captain had been too drunk or insane to notice until a day ago) were completely oblivious to the tiny figure at the top of the Crow's Nest, playing a whistle with all his formidable might. But across Shartak, in jungles and mountains, villages and grasslands, buried in swamps and floating in water, specially trained sets of ears heard a faint ringing.
"My Beloved Scruvy Crew of the Hell-Born Strumpet!" bellowed Captain Tyler Whitney from the Crow's Nest, "Blood's being spilled in a Native Village and we're not the cause of it! All crewmembers be ordered to join our pirate brothers in flooding the dirt paths of Dalpok with blood! BYOB!"
The Royal Expedition
Mr Dan here. I cannot stop ye or order ye to do anything, but for Christ Sake, PLEASE DON'T ATTACK ANY ROYAL EXPEDITION MEMBERS!!! I've spent a fair while negotiating with them not to attack us. We do not need a war. For more details, look at their talk page. Captain Dan
Well, I don't know why, but I just got killed by mister Jones Dye, a member of the Royal Expedition --Xintlaer 17:23, 25 August 2006 (UTC)
Ah hell with it. I can't negotiate. Kill em if you want. I wish you would have put a word in this Captain. Captain Dan
that bastard jones dye just killed me too! he's on new tortuga! someone kill him--Badhammer 14:51, 3 September 2006 (UTC)
Parley has been resumed with York and the Royal Expedition. If no appropriate reply is sent ye have liberty to pursue your vengance without fear of censure from your crew.
Current goals be:
- Crew the ship: The Hell-born Strumpet (the bonniest ship in whatever ocean the island's in)
- Terrorize the locals
- Pursue the elusive three-headed monkey
The Code of The Scurvy Crew
Any Pirates with the fortitude of spirit, or plenty of the hard spirits with which to fortify themselves may join, er, yargh...
- Every man shall obey civil Command; the Captain shall have one full share and a half in all Prizes; the Master, Carpenter, Surgeon, Boatswain and Gunner shall have one Share and quarter.
- If any man shall offer to run away, or keep any Secret from the Company, he shall be marroon'd with one Bottle of Powder, one Bottle of Water, one small Arm and shot.
- If any Many shall steel any Thing in the Company, or game, to the Value of a Piece of Eight, he shall be marroon'd or shot.
- If at any Time we should meet another Marrooner (that is Pyrate) that Man that shall sign his Articles without the Consent of our Company, shall suffer such Punishment as the Captain and Company shall think fit.
- That Man that shall strike another whilst these Articles are in force, shall receive Mose's Law (that is 40 stripes lacking one) on the bare Back.
- That Man that shall snap his Arms, or smoak Tobacco in the Hold, without a cap to his Pipe, or carry a Candle lighted without a Lanthorn, shall suffer the same Punishment as in the former Article.
- That Man that shall not keep his Arms clean, fit for an Engagement, or neglect his Business, shall be cut off from his Share, and suffer such other Punishment as the Captain and the Company shall think fit.
- If any Man shall lose a Joint in time of an Engagement he shall have 400 pieces of Eight; if a limb 800.
- If at any time you meet with a prudent Woman, that Man that offers to meddle with her, without her Consent, shall suffer present Death.
The Scurvy Crew is Legion
YAHRR! We be the first clan on the island to break 40 members!! The Captain decrees an extra pint of grog to all members in celebration.
Now accepting crew for the positions of:
- The Captain: Tyler Whitney
Welcome aboard Mr. Cutthroat and Mr. Xenor!!
The Captain's offer of Parley to the Order of Patriots was soundly denied. The Scurvy Crew is now free to hunt them and the Pirate Hunters wherever they are found. Special care must be taken that innocent outsiders are not also slain so all crewmembers are advised to check their prey's profile before they strike.
- First Mate: Johnny Bollocks Last one to get drunk and laid will feel the lick o' the cat!
- Sailing Master: Rob Cath What's all this then!?!?!?!
- Master's Mate: Teach
- Ship's Surgeon: Captain Dan I BE BACK LADS!!! SO PUT DOWN THE RUM AND START A FIGHTING!!!
- Surgeon's Mate: Rob Da Blades
- Boatswain: Xintlaer They shall feel my blade deep between their ribs...
- Gunner: Wifey Yargh! Wifey's active again, lads!
- Gunner's Mate: Wolverine This bein' before the whole Weapon X thing o' course.
- Cartographer: Baron Von Roeboat
- Quartermaster: badhammer
- Carpenter: Dian Cecht
- Carpenter's Mate:
- Cook: Pieman
- Sailing Instructer: Captain Barbossa
- Billiard-marker: Tycho "Yarr" Everett
- Cabin Boy:born to kill
- Wenches: Irene
- Rum Runners: Opium Joe
- Ship's Monkey: Dr Capitalism(The monkey was attacked by natives... time to go pillage a village.)
- Monkey's Mate: oneguynamedjosh
- Our preserved Native head: Shrubar, shaman of Dalpok
- and Able Bodied Seamen:
- Crimson Jake
- Sigfrid Süßermann Avast!
- Anne Bonny
- Jim Davey Jones
- Karrak the Drunk
- Jimbo Cooke
- Marines(Outsider Soldiers):
- Drunk, One-Eyed, No-Thumbed Swordsmith Who's Responsible for Every Poorly made Cutlass on the Island: FaggishFred
- Gold Biter & Rum Tester Arr Matee
- Native Guild & Resident Cannibal: Killer Lobster
Pirates be expert cartographers
There has been talk of pirates scouring the mountain for buried treasure, and the Captain has seen Mr. Wifey in one of the tunnels. To help with navigation here be the first map of paths under the mountain yet produced.
Thanks go to Dr J for his spelunking.
The Case of Mr. Badhammer has been moved to the discussion page in lieu of a dedicated history page to come later (once there's enough history to justify its existence). Any who wish to read about the first application of nautical justice in the island's history may find it there.
Your unknowingly disgraceful conduct embarrased the crew in the past (if it is indeed possible to disgrace persons such as we). You have, however, performed your duties admirably these past few months, and remained steadfastly loyal to the crew even during your demotion to Able Bodied Seaman. Your continued service to the crew in these conditions points to the high quality of your character. In light of your lengthy service, and the good conduct that was named as a necessity for your continued presence among the crew, your case is hereby dismissed. Ye be now reinstated to your former position as Quartermaster of the Scurvy Crew of the Hell-Born Strumpet. Congratulations, Quartermaster Badhammer! The crew lifts its flagons to you. You can drink at my table anytime. YAAHRRGH!! Tyler Whitney 04:37, 14 October 2006 (UTC)
As the man said:
"The average man will bristle if you say his father was dishonest, but he will brag a little if he discovers that his great-grandfather was a pirate."
The Crew of the Hell-born Strumpet are looking for a native guide not only to translate and inform the crew of any hidden island booty, but also to be mocked and paid in small pox.
ATTENTION!!! OFFICER ON DECK!!!
ON YOUR FEET SCABS!!! Ohh what a sorry excuse for a crew be ye... Of course pirates fight amongst themselves, they drink and they whore and they act in a way totally un-becoming of a proper gentleman. THEY ARE PIRATES!!! On the other hand pirates are expected to keep their ship in repair and their duties in mind. Bless me if the cap’n were here he would have the lot of ya flogged. Lucky for you we are without a proper port and finding a half way decent crew would be like finding an able fighter in YORK!!! So all hands on deck, and be ready for presentation at three bells, Ships surgeon, ready the men for inspection, Captain Whitney wants them all fighting fit for trials ahead.
Sir Robert Cath, Sailing Master Of the Hell-born Strumpet
Aye-Aye, Sir! I tried to rally em ages past, but unresponsiveness drove me into a long sleep. Well I be back now, and I'll be damned if any Mangy Seadog will get past my eyes! Sure, I may be only 16 and a Surgeon, but I've done more fighting then the rest of ye put togather. So gather your cutlesses and put that God-Damn rum donw and meet me at the ships main deck for inspection from the Captain and all the other Blessed Officers that be leading us! I be back, and I be not taking any excuses! Captain Dan, Ships Surgeon of the Hell Born Strumpet and proud of it!
I'm a JRGman, so I'm happy to see your wiki is back in activity, and I hope your crew follows! Come on lads, keep the pirates strong! Rozen