Derby Evening Press/Issue 03

Derby Derby Ends

Reflections by a Hospitaller

The Derby Derby is over, and I look back upon it with mixed feelings. As Derby has faced its foes, I have seen Derbians rise to defend their home. I felt pride in my fellow Derbians as they worked together, sacrificing their own interests for the sake of their home. Privateers, Hospitallers, and independents worked together with an ease and selflessness that defied explanation. Compared to the bickering and infighting I've witnessed in conflicts across the southern coast, I'm more convinced than ever that my home is the greatest settlement on Shartak. If the rest of Shartak could demonstrate the traits I've seen Derbians exhibit, the southern coast would be completely safe and prosperous.

Yet these traits were not formed in a vacuum. Dozens upon dozens of Derbians have died, and we were unable to protect them all. I mourn at the last of innocents who died at the hands of these mad headhunters, savage killers who think our lives are simply items for their collection. Still, perhaps Derby is stronger for its tribulations. Perhaps this was not simply senseless killing. Perhaps this will be the trial by fire that leads Derby to undisputed greatness.

We can only hope.

Headectomy Debut In Derby Tavern

Shartak's first music act will be proforming the first show of thier 'D8 with Death' tour at Derby Tavern. Hedectomy, a jungle-rock band, features a multi-cultural memberlist, which should hopefuly attract many outsiders and natives to the shows. Featuring Derby's own Privateers; Rob Zombie on vocals and mandolin and Cthulhu on lead guitar. But suprisingly enough, Headhunters Lama and Emile Durkheim are on bass and drums.

This may come as a shock, seeing as the show is being played soon after the Derby Derby ends and the Privateers and Headhunters were previously in competition. But the band is still going on strong and have several songs to proform, with more likely to be added tot eh setlist as the tour progresses. The songs include a recurring theme of headhunting and death, acompanied by catchy riffs, beats and 'gut-busting Gee-tah' solos.

The tour is a benefit tour, to both celebrate and mourn the end of the Winter Games. Plans are being made for a show in every settlement, including one at Santa's Grotto. Rob Zombie also had this to say; 'I'd like to do a massive blow-out tour a while after this one, to play a properly full setlist, encores and maybe get some pyrotechnics going with some cannons. And do it in every villiange, the Grotto and top it off at Fort Creedy, but that's a pipe dream, these next few weeks are the real acid test to see if a band can function on the island'

The Privateers ask that Lama and Emile not be killed before the end of the gig. Offenders will be added to the Derby Privateer's Wanted List, and possibly incur a Mercinary's Guild bounty.

Hospitallers Hold Elections

While threats and recriminations plague Durham's attempt to elect a governor, Derby quietly hosted its own exercise in democracy. The Derby Hospitallers held an election for their positions of Tribune and Consul. The current officeholders were re-elected. However, newcomer Javier Sortani was selected as alternate Consul, and Tribune James Barnes announced his intention not to run for Tribune in the next election. Barnes' reported motivation was a desire to prevent stagnation in the Hospitaller government.

Eastern Federation Announces Derby Court

The Eastern Federation recently announced the formation of a court for the town of Derby. The court will be presided over by a Hospitaller, a Privateer, and an unaligned Derbian. The Eastern Federation reportedly already has the court's staff selected.

The Federation's reported goal is to lessen the perceived arbitrariness of law enforcement by providing an appellate court for the accused to resort to.

Shaman Takes Resident in Derby

When large-scale conflicts like the current Derby Derby are going on, people tend to forget people who make more-anonymous, but still very important contributions. One such person is Rill. Rill is a friendly native shaman, who has been in Derby for several weeks prior to the headhunt. He sleeps away from the more active huts largely to avoid an over-zealous Derbyman from attacking him. He has been attacked and killed many times by outsiders who did not know his alliances, but still continues to expel spirits.

Rill does routine exorcisms in various huts, particularly those of higher value and spirit attraction. He has been especially valuable with the influx of new ghosts that arrive with the headhunters. Rill also formed the group known as the Sentinels, a shaman-for-hire service that specializes in ridding villages and settlements of spirits.

Letter to the Editor:

Below is the Derby Evening Press's very first letter to the editor. We thank the writer for his contribution and encourage further submissions to our humble periodical.

The Yorkman: Hindering Babe-Getting Derbians Everywhere

Dear editors of the DEP,

The Yorkman recently did something which utterly appaled me. Normally I am quite enamored of that fine publication, but I am honestly not sure if I can forgive them this.

The Yorkman discussed in Issue 16 the 'elite force' dispatched to execute the Shaman Xaltam. Now, while I am as glad as any that Derby is getting coverage, I am offended beyond belief that none of that elite force--neither Rob Zombie nor Tommy Atkins nor I--were accorded credit by name.

Under these circumstances, how, may I ask you, is one to get babes?

If they had named but one of us, I would be satisfied--I could live vicariously through him, or they through I. Undoubtedly the fact that one of us was in an 'elite force' would earn more (and more wholesome) babes than hang around a tavern in the red light district of Durham at midnight. However, with our names unknown, we can only cry into our beer, lamenting the babes which we shall never know.

I am highly, highly offended.

Indignantly yours,