View source for The Secret History of Captain Tyler Whitney

==Here Lies the Secret History of Tyler Whitney, Capt. of the Hell-Borne Strumpet==

===Chapter One: A Pirate is Born.===

Captain Tyler Whitney was born Thietland Willbrecht at the height of the Age of Piracy. The son of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landgrave Landgrave] Kaspiar Von Whithoven, A lesser Prussian noble given to drunkenness and sudden murderous fits amongst the peasantry of his posessions. It was these fits that finally drove Langrave Von Whithoven's deaf mistress Helga (Whitney's mother, no last name) to flee to Amsterdam with her infant son only 2 days after his birth. Captain Whitney was without a name the first four years of his life as to call him by his rightful surname would have attracted the attention the local Dutch merchantmen. Many of whom were familiar with the Landgrave due to his funding of ultimately disastrous expeditions in pursuit of golden snow in Iceland. Helga finally settled on the name Thietland Willbrecht as it was the name of a brand of buckle polish, popular then in the northern part of the country (and 2 of only 67 words she could read). In Amsterdam Willbrecht's mother supported herself and her young son in the usual manner a young woman with limited education and communication skills supports herself in Amsterdam... She cooked. It was at the age of six, while Thietland's mother was busy slaughtering a baby goat, that the young lad was press-ganged into the crew of a Flemmish salmon-boat. This would be the future Captain's first experience on the high seas...

===Chapter Two: Life on the High Seas===

Thietland Willbrecht braced himself for his first tour on the high seas. And by braced himself, we mean was beaten savagely by all members of the crew of the '''Salmon's Wench''' the Flemish fishing boat that was his first comission. The sailors of the '''Salmon's Wench''' prided themselves as pirates. "After all" they would say "We have such nifty wooden Pirate's hooks, and poor manners!" Willbrecht was doubtfull. "But isn't the right of every pirate to pillage, drink, and murder to his heart's content?" he would say to the acommodating Flemmish sailors. "But we have a flag with bones on it" they would say. And at all hours they would look to it while they were casting their nets for the fish they insisted were merely sought for bonus profit while they were pilfering the Spanish Main. Through careful observation and the theft of a compass from a Portugese spice trawler Willbrecht was able to learn that the lanes the '''Wench''' was patrolling were in fact several thousand knots north of the riches of the Spanish Main. The ship he had risked much to jump ship on was in fact making a tidy, sober, and safe profit fishing the northern coasts of Iceland!! Needless to say Thietland was disappointed, both in his mistaken ship, and in the Flemmish sailors who pretended inebriation and murder while they were in fact sober fishermen. Willbrecht endeavored to find a true privateer upon his return to port, but before he stepped five feet from the docks of Portsmouth he was pressganged into the His Majesty's Navy to serve aboard the HMS Chumswallow. It was aboard this ship that Thietland Willbrecht would learn Navigation, Naval Combat, and the riches of India. Most importantly, this would be where the bastard son of a Prussian nobleman would meet the half-Irish son of a former Catholic monk. And where Robert Cath would learn the liberalities of piratedom...