The Octavius Popebury Memorial Expedition of 1886
|The Octavius Popebury Memorial Expedition of 1886|
|Leadership:||Her Majesty, the Queen!|
|Members:||Mainly gentlemen of good standing and assorted menial staff|
|Goals:||To bring Shartak under the flag. Huzzah.|
|Recruitment policy:||No riff-raff need apply.|
|Contact:||Leave a letter with any of the servants.|
The Octavius Popebury Memorial Expedition of 1886 was one of the last great acts of the Age of Exploration and inspired over thirty moving pictures and several hundred monographs. It has become a byword for bravery, sexism, patriotism, blind stupidity, casual racism, communism, facism and bloody minded stubborness. For their sterling work in civilising the natives and suppressing the lower orders, every gentleman involved was posthumously inducted into the Ancient Royal Order of Jolly Good Eggs. This award is only given to those who have exceled in their work on behalf of monarch, class and country. Over thirteen hundred monuments have been erected in their memory in their homeland. Every May 16th, the small town of Berswickbottom celebrates Octavius Popebury Day and a parade is traditionally organised to commemorate these upstanding examples of manhood. But who were these gallant men and how did they earn their place in the leather-bound, gilt-inscribed, multi-volume history books?
The Life of the Highly Esteemed Octavius Popebury
Octavius Popebury, an Irish peer, was the founding member of the League of Respectable Gentlemen. He fought for the French against the Dutch in the Trekree Skirmishes, for the Spanish against the Austrians in the Liberation of El Crosown and for the Prussians against everyone else in the Second Bloody Stupid War. A noted explorer, his discoveries included the islands of Old New Brunswick and Terra Muerte. He has been credited with the discovery of the source of the Rotte and Xinhyei rivers. When rumours of a place known as Shartak reached the League, he began to organise an expedition. Tragically, he was beaten by a mob of urchins and died a week before departure. After taking their collective belts to the wretched scamps and hanging their parents, the League pledged to continue his work as a way of showing respect to the man they knew affectionately as Sir Octavius Popebury, Esquire.
The Course of the Expeditionary Effort
The Octavius Popebury Memorial Expedition departed the port of Sife-on-Thee in March 1884. They landed several miles down the coast in August 1885 where they claimed the village of Faffesbury in the name of the Crown. After brisk skirmishing with the natives, they pacified the region and established a trading post. The Queen commended their vigour but recalled the expedition. A second ship, the Right Sort, departed Sife-on-Thee in September 1885, which arrived in the southern waters off Shartak in May 1886. It was wrecked near Derby during an unseasonably heavy storm. But the expedition made landfall and was considered a restounding success, despite the loss of all of their horses, port, stores and servants. On their arrival in Derby, the expedition founded the Octavius Popebury Memorial Club for Respectable Gentlemen and began acclimatising themselves to the local air through brief walks after lunch.
A Blueprint For Good Governance
It has always been agreed that good governance is key to a stable and prosperous colony. The members of the expedition were those most suited to rule, through birth and breeding. They agreed several policies, first of which was the absolute refusal to tolerate coffee on Derby and that a Blueprint For Good Governance would need to be agreed. The core tenets of the Blueprint have been lost to the sands of time but it is believed to have been based on half-remembered elements of legal documents, the personal opinions of the members and a slightly soggy copy of the Times which had survived the shipwreck.
The Expedition, several weeks after landing, joined with local defenders in the Eastern Federation to better defend and develop the colony of Derby. They also undertook grand projects to better serve the Queen's interests.
The Widely Lauded Members of the Expedition
A company of heroes, glorious chaps, a fine body of men, good lads, quite acceptable people. These and other tributes to the members of the expeditions have echoed through the mists of time.
Lord Quentin Twerpington, 11th Earl of Stonyford, married with seven children, £13,000 a year, served in the Second Krimean War commanding the 1st Stonyford Rifles, present at the battle of Heifer's Pass, lost his pocket watch and half the regiment during the attack on the Palace of the Veiled Sultan, credited with the discovery of Denmark.
Commodore Sir Sebastian Gabriel Ecclington, 1st Earl of New Stratbury, married with five children, £11,000 a year plus toll rights on the New Stratsbury Straits, Served in the Royal Navy for 21 years, never lost his hat to the sea. Was stationed in India some time, where there was some trouble with the natives, created the Ecclington Quadrangle, a feared naval battle formation used widely by the Royal Navy and the Stratsbury Yachting Club.
Sir George Tuppenny, 23rd Duke of Reading, married with two children, £15,000 a year, served in India during the revolution, twenty third in line to the throne, authored several tracts on the suppression of pygmy uprisings.
Lord Algernon Fortescue-Smyth, 18th Squire of Middleframpshire and 29th Earl of Darlington, married with six children, £12,120 14/3 ¾d a year, served in the Napoleonic Wars with the 27th Flying Belchshires as a messenger boy, present at the Siege of Dupal and witnessed the Fall of the Quenzhautatzal Empire, blunderbuss stolen by blasted natives while tiger hunting in India and used as a heathen effigy in a ritual sacrifice - hasn't worked properly since bygawds, credited with inventing flypaper.
Major William Chapsley, 2nd Baron of Yorth-on-Twang, married with seven sons, £12,000 a year, served in the First Maraka War commanding the King's Own Light Infantry, held the Fort of Kookamunga against assault during the Second Maraka War, credited with the development of the Chapsley Method of Military Discipline.
Lord Alexander Dogberry, 4th Marquess of Ailesbury, married with five children, £13,000 a year, was Master of the Horse for a period of 6 years and Lord Lieutenant of Wiltshire, author of many recognised publications on military tactics in wars against unruly peasants.
Vice Admiral Bathtub
Vice Admiral Simone Bathtub, 16th Regent of the East Stippington Left Handed Library, Defender of the Plate, Knight of the Cheesewheel, married with fifty six illigitimate children in various ports, £10,000 a year, commanded The Few Sprightly Lads during his ill-fated invasion of Prussia, over a question of lineage in 1882, credited with starting the Third Bloody Stupid War as such, involved in a fracas over inheritance of the continent of Asia, author of many well known monographs concerning the correct posture while standing imposingly at the head of one's ship, disgraced the entire House of Lords with accusations of gin watering, liked his sea-water neat.
Lord Snuffly Farthing, 12th Viscount of Poundsbury, no legitimate children or wife but rumoured to have had many suitors, £3,000 a year plus plunder from the Sack of Jakara, known to have proclaimed himself one of the greatest commanders of the royal army, also alleged that enemy commanders would surrender immediately when informed that the viscount was leading the opposing army, joined the expedition shortly after his return from the Far Eastern Wars.
Lord Nihton Snobingsbry, 21st Viscount of Alesbury, married with seven children, £6,000 a year.
Duke Muskery Nibbleworthy, 2nd Duke of Chestervan, married with three children, £8,500 a year. Famous throughout the Empire as the Inventor of the portable grandfather clock and the official autobiographer of such notable figures as Ellis Webb and Pitt the not-quite-so-young, Duke Nibbleworthing has been entrusted with the most noble and honourable position of Expedition Environmental Determinist. His methodologies include Lazious Pongous Analysis (that tropical climates around Shartak Island cause laziness, relaxed attitudes and promiscuity) and fears that while the frequent variability in the weather of the middle latitudes leads to a more determined and driven work ethic among the good folk of the civilised Empire the climate of Shartak Island may soon get the better of even the stoutest members of her Majesty's most loyal and upstanding subjects. Recommends midday exercise as best remedy for sunstroke, chills, and cholic.
Duke Lucas Ellington, 7th Duke of Ellington, married with thirteen children, £14,500 a year.
Lord Fennelwubbles V
Lord Peter Marion Fennelwubbles V, 13th Marquis of Bade, married with five children, £9,000 a year.
Provost Marshal Pye
Provost Marshal John Pye, 12th Baron of Tweeds-on-Berry, unmarried, £5,000 a year, twelve generation officer of the Prince Consort's Own.
Lord Rheinhat Flawse, 3rd Earl of Dalton, married with two children, £7,000 a year.
Lord Henry Fancy Umbrage, 1st Viscount of Lutford, married with eight children, £5,500 a year.
Servants, Guides and Porters
Some damp looking members of the domestic staff came ashore the day after the sinking of the Right Sort. They were set to work immediately but more of their ilk were hired as time went on. Suitably dressed natives were also hired to fetch and carry.
John Jones, butler, £30 a year, twenty years service.
Wulla-mullung, native guide, renamed William.
Gone To Their Eternal Reward
Rt. Hon. Spiffington
Rt. Hon. Anchorite Spiffington, 2nd Baron of Peyton Abbey, married, £6,500 a year, killed while baptising unruly natives, drowned three before they twigged the ruse.
Admiral Laurence John Stimmyworth, 2nd Baron of Hifflesea, married with two children, £6,000 and custom duties from the Bay of Hiffle, shot and killed immediately after the initial landing.
Reginald Widderworth, clerk, £15 a year, seven years service, mistakenly stabbed during the landing by Admiral Stimmyworth.