The WILLIES!
WILLIES!, WILLIES! everywhere, and not a drop to drink
On the morning of June 7, 2007, Yorkmen emerging hungover on to the streets of the bustling town saw a very strange thing. Overnight, signs saying "WILLIES!" had appeared on every corner.
One Yorkman described the sight as being "like Christmas, when you go outside and there's snow everywhere, but in summer, on Shartak, with WILLIES!" Others were not so pleased, complaining of WILLIES!-related graffiti on their huts. A prominent Pirate summed the situation up: "This is something one doesn't see everyday."
Rumours had been building for some time of shadowy figures wearing robes and banana hammocks who had been frequenting the beach near York. A witness reported that when questioned, they muttered something about a wicker man, touched the witness inappropriately, then shuffled off. At the time this was dismissed as mere cottaging, but it now seems that this group may have been behind the WILLIES!
Other suspects include a troupe of macaques that were recently seen frotting in a grove of mango trees to the north of York. Anyone spotting them is advised not to approach, as the last person to do so is still in the York Medical Hut being treated for severe abrasions to the buttocks.
Meanwhile, unverified reports from the interior of the island tell of WILLIES! appearing elsewhere. Whether the WILLIES! will continue to spread remains unknown, as does any possible motive.
