Pirate High Command
|Pirate High Command|
|Members:||its a fluid number. Mmm. Fluids.|
|Recruitment policy:||We'll see.|
|Contact:||Ask around at the shipwreck|
The Pirate High Command is a loose, drunken affiliation of top-notch pirates, established in 2008.
Pirate leadership, to bring war of the enemies on pirates.
Being a pirate is a state of mind, and you do not need to be from the shipwreck to be a member of the Pirate High Command. If you:
a) like skewering smart-mouthed traders with their smarmy "I'm sorry I have too many empty gourds" rubbish,
b) keep members of Open Arms as housepets,
c) think most natives are uppity savages who need to learn a thing or two about European diseases
d) know that goats aren't for eating
e) believe there is something sensually intriguing about organised mass raids on unsuspecting indigeneous townsfolk
then this clan is for you.
Mercenaries, corsairs, privateers, turncoat natives and cannibals, cut-throats, sociopaths, and anyone with a proven and unrelenting committment to unprovoked and wanton violence are welcome. In a major policy shift, Yorkers are also welcome.
There are no goals. That would imply a master plan. There is no master plan.
Ponderous thought has no place in this clan.
- October and November 2008 - raids of Rakmogak Island
- December 2008 - the 1st Annual Pirate High Command Christmas Party and Rumfest in Derby.
- January 2009 - raid on Dalpok.With a poem:
The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house All that cold, cold, wet day.
I sat there with Long Fin Killie. We sat there, we two. And I said, "How I wish We had something to do!"
Too wet to go out And too cold to raid York. So we sat in the house. We did nothing at all.
So all we could do was to Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! And we did not like it. Not one little bit.
>BUMP!< And then something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump!
We looked! Then we saw him step in the pub! We looked! And we saw him! FirstAmongstDaves with a club! And he said to us, "Why do you sit there like that?" "I know it is wet And the sun is not sunny. But we can have Lots of cheap kills that are funny!"
"I know some good games we could play," Said FirstAmongstDaves. "I know some new tricks. Involving bodies and graves A lot of good tricks. I will show them to you. Opium Joe Will not mind at all if I do."
Then Killie and I Did not know what to say. And petey was out of the hold For the day.
"Lets go to Dalpok And kill the good folk Lets bash down their huts And mash their brains into yolk! Lets steal all their women And bonk all their gold Perhaps that is muddled (I am getting old)."
And so the good pirates With cutlass and flintlock Gave a grand old huzzah! And made haste for Dalpok.
Stanley Tweeble - by Sam Bellamy Jeblock - by Sam Bellamy Shaman Sieve - by FirstAmongstDaves
NEWS UPDATE! January 'o9
The Pirate High Command is going to take charge on the shipwreck. I hereby appoint myself Grand Admiral of the Fleet. Anyone not liking it will be buried up to their necks in sand and fed to giants ants, or keel-hauled (a difficult proposition given the ship is stuck on the shore).
With the new command structure on the shipwreck getting into plce, there will be several changes, including:
1. an obligation to use toilet paper. Some pirate bottoms are looking positively Rastafarian. Live parrots are an acceptable substitute for the papery-type of toilet paper.
2. a non-mandatory requirement to sew zippers into one's trousers. I am seeing too many flags at half-mast on the poop deck, nd you'd think from the view that its a chilly day.
3. more kills of our neighbours. The pirate kill is the lazy, sloppy murder. It is the flaccid member of violent death. Our southern friends are kills requiring some skill.
With this in mind I am going to muster a force of pirates to descend on Dalpok. I understand the Greater Shartak Unification Coalition will be raiding Dalpok in the next week or so. Never have I encountered a wankier collection of blowhards, who seem to have one hand on their rifles and the other on their bedroom pistols. The only thing needing coalition on the island can be fixed by drinking less prune juice. So, pirates are directed to raid Dalpok and kill both the wanky GSUC members and the smelly natives.
I am presently stocking up on first aid kits to bring to the wreck and will distribute these amongst those who report for duty - drunk, disorderly or just plain surly, if you report for this offensive I will give you a FAK, which will counteract native poison, stop tiger and shark fatalities, and cure bottom herpes.
So sharpen up your cutlasses, lads, freshen your breath and get your lips pursed to pucker and welcome our good friends from the GSUC to our part of the island. Once the GSUC raid has started we'll pop in for champagne and nibblies.
Even though the clan description says "Dalpok you're first", as someone committed to duplicity I am proposing instead to wipe out these new smelly cannibals, concentrating on the three huts and the cave entrances forming their encampment. I'm presently in the neighbourhood of Rakmagok and I won't be going anywahere else willingly for the next fortnight. If you would like to be involved in a coordinated attack please e-mail me at email@example.com
22 November - don't bother to email me as I won't answer it. Instead PM me at the forums. The cannibals are getting cleverer and actually patrolling the water now. Anyone up for a raid on the vilage, put your hand up.
23 November - on the northern shore of Rakmogak, you've got Arwin Meiwes on 51HP/65HP at 70.176, 26.856: Splicers 10 paces the west of him on full health, and Jinh 10 paces to the west of him on 61HP/65HP. (Failure, a cannibal east of all of them, got skewered by me.) Jinh and I have exchanged blows and I'm guessing he is certainly patrolling northern waters. (There's also a cave entrance in the north-eastern quadrant of the island, which I didn't know about, and looks empty.)