Kill Daves 2013
|This is a historical article, describing a past event or events that occurred on Shartak.|
FirstAmongstDaves swaggers into The Hanged Misfit, his thumbs hooked into his salt-encrusted pistol belt. He leers at his fellow patrons, flips a coin at the bartender, and grabs a bottle of beer with leather gloves. The pirate bangs and scrapes an old chair across the timber floor with as much noise as possible, and then swings his sodden boots onto a small stained table.
Black Jack Pershing brushes long hair from his eyes, looks up from his card game and squints at the pirate warily. "Didn't know two bit washed-up killer pirate assclowns were allowed in this bar," Pershing mutters.
"Now now, now. "Washed-up", you say, Jack?" FirstAmongstDaves grins, and hoists his bottle of beer in the air in a mock salute. "Because the term "assclown" is a badge I'll wear with honour. But, "washed up"... that implies that I've washed. And we can all smell that that's an unadulterated, fermented, and malodiferous lie."
"Crazy assclown pirate," Pershing screws his nose, and goes back to his card game.
FirstAmongstDaves guzzles his beer and then purses his white, rotted lips. He raises a gloved index finger. "Note to self. There's no line here to cross. I can call Jack Pershing, arms dealer extraordinaire and man of honour, a stinking liar, and with absolutely no repercussions whatsoever. Who would have guessed?"
"Don't be starting something you'll lose, assclown," Pershing growls, still studying his cards. He brushes his hair back from his eyes.
"I hear you've been breeding birds, Jack," says FirstAmongstDaves. "You got a thing for chickens?"
Pershing brushes his hair back. "Washed. Up." he says, slowly, staring the pirate in the eyes.
FirstAmongstDaves swings his crossed feet from the table. With the reminder of his bottle of beer, he tips froth over Pershings's head. "Now you have a point of comparison, bird brain! I'm not washed up!That's washed-up! The difference, manifested!"
Pershing rises from his seat, pulling a long knife from his boot, his face suddenly very grim. FirstAmongstDaves magically has two pistols clutched in each gloved hand, teeth bared in a feral grin. But, in the same moment, Swamp Thing has leapt onto the bartop, the stock of a rifle balanced on each forearm.
"No killing in Derby, gentlemen," Swamp Thing frowns.
FirstAmongstDaves drops his bottom lip in faux-sadness. "Ah, the Derbian Rule of Law. How we find it... dreary." The pirate puts his gloved hands up. The pistols have disappeared.
Pershing narrows his eyes and sheaths his knife. "Another time, assclown."
The pirate chortles. "Scary man! But, you're still a washed-up bird brain, Jack!" FirstAmongstDaves sneers at the patrons. "I think I liked it better in Derby when I was gutting you people and leaving your corpses to bloat and rot in the sun. The sandflies had room to breed back then. But, for now, I'm going to take advantage of your precious laws and stock up on bullets and first aid kits. I won't kill a soul. Then, I'm heading back to my ship to study some charts." He lifts his chin. "Navigation. Clearly beyond all of you. The level of intelligence in Derby, its appalling! What with Jack, and the underwhelming lack of smarts, it is far too scary around here."
And, fists clutched to his mouth in mock fright, the pirate tiptoes to the door of the bar, then pauses. "Any of you chicken lovers follow me north, and I'll be happy to enhance your intelligence with a pistol shot, prosencephalon scorched through to central medial nucleus. Complimentary brain surgery for the washed up." And then, he leaves.
Pershing grits his teeth, stands, and addresses the bar. "Alright. That assclown pirate needs killing. Let the word spread. I got myself some falcons I've been breeding and training. Soon as he leaves Derby, I want him dead. First five people to kill that pirate gets a heavy sword and a falcon. Next five people get just a falcon. But don't kill him while he's in Derby: I don't wanna be complicit in a crime in city limits. Soon as he leaves Derby, though, its game on for that assclown."
- Aphetto Kabal
- Lotte Brittle
- Tad Allagash
- Johnny Coyote
The Warship is a custom hut located near the Northwestern most point of Shartak, beached in an inlet bay, at [-70.604,+26.528]. Areas to investigate include an Amoury, wherein one can find Cat-O-Nine Tails and Harpoons, and a Bridge, where one can find Tricorn Hats.
Kill Daves 2013
- How to Unlock - Kill the Character FirstAmongstDaves during a special contest
- This achievement was awarded on February 8th, 2013
- Raffles Killed Dave Twice
- Alzado Killed Dave
- Apetto Kabal Killed Dave
- Tad Allagash Killed Dave
- Lottle Brittle Killed Dave
Everyone who killed Dave received a falcon and the badge as their prize.